ALMOST READY!

Friday Night-July 25th- I think I am almost ready to pack Scott's things away.  Chris, Adam, and Craig will go through the clothes first to see if there is anything they want.  I then, thanks to someone here on DS, will pack them away in see-through plastic bins.  It is a baby step, I know.  But, it is a step.  I am just not ready to "really" part with them.  However, this will keep all the clothes clean until I am.  And, I can still see them. I am not quite ready to deal with the personal things like his "treasures".  I may never be.  They may just become part of my "treasures. I still feel guily for using things like his flashlight, etc.  I always asked when I borrowed something of his, as he did when borrowing my things.  Day by day, inch by inch. I guess I have finally, really, for sure, realized Scott is NOT coming back.  Oh, it is not that I was delusional or anything.  I knew it from the moment I found him.  I think it was just a bit much for me to really wrap my head around.  I don't know if that makes any sense.  Don't care. Maybe I have just been in too much shock for the past 13 1/2 months.  In any case, I am sitting here, my throat tightening up and tears coming to my eyes.  It hurts so much!  I want so much to remember my "baby boy" without feeling pain and sadness.  I want to think of him and feel the joy of knowing him and getting to experience life with him.  I think that is still several inches away.