Almost Four Months

Dear Fred:
Today was a stone... not a diamond.  It is so close to the 28th of the moth.  March 28th is when Nick had to leave me.  Memories of what he and I went thrnough have been with me nearly all day.  I have cried so much.  Tears seem so useless.  No matter how often or how hard I cry it will not change what he went through nor will it bring him back.  Tonight I feel lost and devastated.  I so wish I could wake up from this nightmare.  I wish the Cosmos would wake up & realize there had been a terrible mistake.  Nick should not be dead. He had done nothing to invite cancer into his body.  He loved life.  He lived life fully.  He loved his work and still had so much knowledge to share with them.  I cannot believe his life was cut so short.  Someone somewhere made a huge mistake.  Why can't they wake up and make it right again?
I helped Marcie B. pick raspberries today.  She starting to show age.  She is 86 and for that age she is doing very well.  However, she knows she is slowing down and hates it.  She still is full of "vim and vinegar".  I just hope her body will keep up with her mind & spirit.  She is a good friend and one of the most honest people I have ever met.
While I was picking raspberries I realized that if Nick was still with me he & I would be up in the hills picking huckleberries.  I could not hold back the tears.  We didn't have the perfect marriage by any means.  However, I loved him and still do.  I miss him, even his stubborn ways.  I wish he was here.
Well, Fred, it is late & I've cried enough for a bit.  It is time to try to sleep.  Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Darlene  07/26/11