Almost a Year
This has been the hardest month in this journey. On March 15 of last year my husband went to work and never came back. He suffered an aneurysm and died 15 days later. A year later I'm haunted by the events leading up to the day. I remember our happy times: shopping, being together, studying, just everything about this month.
I can't seem to escape. Sometimes I remember whole days, snapshots of events: Him holding two bags of chips in his hands in the store. Him calling me from work, telling me how much he loved me. Him walking through the door, kissing me. Him watching television while I try to write. I see the dog wagging her tail following him through our apartment and it's like I'm back there for just a moment. So many memories, now bittersweet.
My life is so different now: new apartment. new dog. new furniture, but my love for my husband is unchanged. My soul crys out for it's other half, but I am here and he is in Heaven. So I live.
The only thing that seems to help is knowing that April is coming and with it, freedom from the firsts. There will be no more first this or that in April. I will leave the past where it belongs, and move forward emotionally. But March is a killer.
I can't seem to escape. Sometimes I remember whole days, snapshots of events: Him holding two bags of chips in his hands in the store. Him calling me from work, telling me how much he loved me. Him walking through the door, kissing me. Him watching television while I try to write. I see the dog wagging her tail following him through our apartment and it's like I'm back there for just a moment. So many memories, now bittersweet.
My life is so different now: new apartment. new dog. new furniture, but my love for my husband is unchanged. My soul crys out for it's other half, but I am here and he is in Heaven. So I live.
The only thing that seems to help is knowing that April is coming and with it, freedom from the firsts. There will be no more first this or that in April. I will leave the past where it belongs, and move forward emotionally. But March is a killer.
Replies
The 1 year mark is a hard one. Personally I find that every day brings its own challenges. I am at almost 20 months myself and still find that the memories hit for no reason. I too am trying to live because that is all that is left. I am reminded that life is only so bad now because it was so good before. :) Nice for someone to point that out.
((((HUGS))))
Karl
As that first year mark approaches we do think of the days that led up to the last. Unknowing, what we could have done to change it, still going through the should have\'s. When we are on the other side of that day, the one year day, it just becomes another day in loss and we continue on with our progress. You have overcome and endured much during the months leading up to this day. You have done so in pain, in strength and with determination. You should be proud of yourself.
Hugs Linda
Tru this will be a difficult one for you for sure. Just to let you know that I am thinking of you and hoping for peace and happier times in your future, hang in there, hugs Lu Ann
I know what you mean, February was the killer for me. My husband died of an aneurysm also, and I have new furniture, new paint, but still the same house and dogs. I am free from the year of firsts, and hope that it is upward on onward from here. It is such a hard journey, and I only hope and wish you strength. You will make it, I did. Hugs~Shelley
as of yesterday 36 weeks, (9 months)...seems like it\'s been forever but then again it seems like yesterday....16 weeks and it will be 1 year. Hard to believe it\'s been that long all ready and not long until it is a year, like others have said then all the firsts will be over with. Hope springs eternal that it will get easier...at least I hope it does, all I can do is hope for the best. Taking it one day at a time, what ever happens, happens as I can\'t change it. We\'re all just doing, doing what ever we have to, to survive another day. Blessings to all...hugs, Sandi
I understand. March 15th is an extremely hard time for you and the memory of your husband & your life together is very clear for you. Take it one moment at a time. Take it one second at a time. Take it one minute at a time. Take it one hour at a time. Take it one day at a time. All the best from Diane B.