Almost a week later...

As the title says it is almost a week later.  I have been doing as my doctor said and using lotion on my chest, I even went to the store and bought a better brand that is for very dry skin and is extra-strength.  Over the weekend it actually seemed like it was working the itching/pain were less, that is until today.   Even though I have been faithfully applying, today for a bit the burning pain and itching were back to the same level as last week before I started.  Now I have been very itchy everywhere which I assume is for the same reason the dry winter air.   So that could be all it is and I really want to believe that it is all very benign and soon the it will be better, but as the same time my health anxiety will not let me.  The memories of those articles I read keep coming back me so I am in a constant circle of "it will be fine vs. it is the big c and this is it for me" I just want to be better so I can move on.  When I am fearing the worst it is hard to do my day to day activities or even plan for the future because I get depressed and what is the point of planning when it will all go to hell when i finally get diagnosis.  So I have been forcing myself to continue with to do everything I normally do even though I don't feel like it because I don't want to squander the present worrying about the future.  So I am going to continue until after Christmas because then it will be two weeks trying what my doctor wanted me to do.  After that I will reeveluate and see if I should go back.  

The thing is I am not any good at dealing with the unknown which then I feel bad about because that is a lack of faith and I know I need to rely on God for all things.  I do try.  I pray and read my bible but its my thoughts that sneak in and take over that are hard to combat.  

I will keep trying to rely on God and seek Him in all things, especially when I am feeling so anxious and so low.