Almost 5 Years

Monday was the 24th.  Two months from Monday will be five years since Josh's accident.  Five years since I have heard his voice, since his smile and you know how much I miss that everything else.  The last couple of days has been pretty bad.  My mind keeps replaying that day in my head.  After five years you would think I would not be going there anymore.  But I still do.  I remember it to well and sometimes wished I didn't.  I remember being the first family member on the scene.  I remember John coming up me running to him.  Him holding me as I almost hit the ground.  I remember Josh laying on that cold metal table at the hospital.  I remember his black hair being wet where they tried washing the blood out.  I remember his lips being cut from the braces.  I remember his eyes blackened from the glasses. And the list goes on.  One good memory is this.  Josh went Christmas shopping the day before his accident.  He came home with a little Belks bag and placed it under the tree.  He said this is your present mama.  Well Christmas Eve morning came and I ask John to wrap his present for me.  Josh comes out of his room wanting to know what was wrong with his wrapping.  I tell him nothing.  I am wearing my earrings this morning that my angel gave me.  I want my Josh back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Like all of you wanting your children back.  I am sorry I am such a downer this morning but this time of year SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I know you are the ones that truly understands!!