All this time I have been angry/resentful at God for taking Smokey.
All this time I have been angry and resentful at God for taking my Smokey. It's all that I have been feeling these days. I am angry and resentful all the time at everyone and any thing except my daughter, Grant and my grandson. When I realized it, I focused on who I was angry and resentful at. Low and behold, I was angry and resentful at God for taking Smokey away from me. It's not fair. Smokey made me feel safe and secure and very much loved. The apartment was our nest and safety from the rest of the whole entire world. The apartment was the place for the two of us. It was wonderful. When Smokey died or God took him from me, I was unsettled, not secure and not feeling any of the love. God shook my world. How can one recover from this kind of devastation in their lives? Literally, I am asking you how can one recover from this? I have no answers. This leads me to the next dilemma.
I am torn back and forth about Dave. He is kind, gentle, giving, sharing, patient and loving man. Dave's one major flaw is that he is an alcoholic. On one side he is the kind of man that I want in my life. On the other side, is Dave's fatal flaw alcoholism. I had that with my ex-husband. On the positive side, not my ex-husband nor Smokey where patient men. Neither of them accepted my brother Don, who has Asperger's Syndrome. Dave accepts Don as is but is still hard for him. I am still waivering about Dave. Which leads me to another dilemma.
Today I have registered with several online dating sites. I am not holding my breath. I feel as if I am betraying Dave by registering with the online dating sites.
I feel like such a horrible woman by being angry/resentful to God, back/forth about Dave and registering with the online dating sites. Today I don't feel too good about myself. Today I just feel totally mixed up like I can't make my own mind up about anything. Just for today. Tomorrow is another day. I will feel differently tomorrow. I know it.
From Diane B.
I am torn back and forth about Dave. He is kind, gentle, giving, sharing, patient and loving man. Dave's one major flaw is that he is an alcoholic. On one side he is the kind of man that I want in my life. On the other side, is Dave's fatal flaw alcoholism. I had that with my ex-husband. On the positive side, not my ex-husband nor Smokey where patient men. Neither of them accepted my brother Don, who has Asperger's Syndrome. Dave accepts Don as is but is still hard for him. I am still waivering about Dave. Which leads me to another dilemma.
Today I have registered with several online dating sites. I am not holding my breath. I feel as if I am betraying Dave by registering with the online dating sites.
I feel like such a horrible woman by being angry/resentful to God, back/forth about Dave and registering with the online dating sites. Today I don't feel too good about myself. Today I just feel totally mixed up like I can't make my own mind up about anything. Just for today. Tomorrow is another day. I will feel differently tomorrow. I know it.
From Diane B.
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