All the work!

I know some of you have been through this already, but isn't it frustrating trying to not only get on with your daily life, trying to not cry and keeping a strong appearance, while being forced into all of the work of getting financials straightened out, bills organized and try to figure out what now?
Jeff worked for over 25 years at Boeing and Spirit Aerosystems where he was a stretch press mechanic. He has all those years worth of tools and personal affects at his job. Being a high security employer, I have to wait until they can go through all of his things and decide what is his and what was company property. ( Not that I will know if something doesn't make it home. Security prohibits family from visiting these workers at their job, so I never even saw where he worked.) I know he had a couple thousand dollars worth of tools.
Then to wait on the death certificates to come. It took over a month to get them. The mortuary forgot to send them on to the doctor and they sat on someone's desk through the holidays. I just got them this week. Now I can finally begin to get life insurance and supplimental insurances settled so I can pay for his service. It will still take me over 5 weeks to get anything back. So by the time I can pay bills, it will be about 2 1/2 months since he passed away.
We were only married 3 1/2 years and he made sure he took care of my boys and I. I am very thankful that he did that. But his ex and his 2 grown daughters are emailing and calling asking if I am going to give them money. I just find it amazing how some people can move on so quickly while others of us find it hard to even take those baby steps to get us to the next day.  I have tried to explain, first to the ex wife, she is not his wife anymore. If he had wanted to take care of her after his death, he would have done that , but he didn't. And as for his 2 daughters, he told me that they were both married and had chosen husbands who should be taking care of his girls. So, he did not leave them anything. I have mixed feelings about this, but again, he made his decisions before he passed away. So, do I change that? ( We are not talking large sums of money here either. I will be lucky to pay for his services, get some repairs done to vehicles and maybe the house. Put a little in savings. That is it.)
And finally, all the work of trying to keep my senses about me each day so I can work on the business we started. It is hard to stay focused and not let my memories take me back to the hours we shared working together on this. I still have a couple of months until our product is even ready to launch nationwide. And I have so much work to do to set timelines for when it is ready. I need to stay focused.
All the work! Am I the only one who has kept so busy and hasn't really had the chance to slow down? Jeff passed away December 14th and I feel like even though I shed tears each day, several times, I havent' had the time to mourn him.
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

My husband passed away the same day as yours. The first 3 weeks were like that for me. I was too busy. I cried every day, but didn\'t have major breakdowns and I would cry and be okay really fast. I think it was a combination of shock and staying too busy. After he passed I still had to do Christmas shopping, I made ALL the funeral arrangements ect....pretty much on my own, our car broke down 2 days after he passed so I had to make arrangement to get it fixed, then there was the holidays and immediately following the holiday we had his memorial service. Which was 3 1/2 hours away from we were currently live. (We talked about this and it is what he wanted). So we had to stay out of town with family for a few days for that. Of course the phone was ringing off the hook. Everyone wanted to call and check up on us.
Now things have calmed down. The only person that really calls is my mom (bless her heart). Little do people realize that as time goes on it is only getting harder for me not easier. When things calm down it really hits you. I\'ve been told that we need this time to mourn and grieve, but I\'m confused. Some people say it\'s good and you need it to move on and its all part of the process, others say stay busy and don\'t dwell on it. All I know is the last few days have been super hard and all I want to do is sit in front of the computer and cry. Maybe it\'s healthy maybe it\'s not. I don\'t know. I\'m starting counceling with hospice on Monday. I am hoping it helps.
Take care and slow down a bit. You have so much going on you need to slow down and take a deep breath. You\'re going through a lot right now. Try not to rush yourself.
Jennifer
deleted_user
deleted_user

dancing as fast as you can...know that well...hope that the new business is a success but be sure to have some down time. It is amazing how greed raises it\'s ugly head upon the loss of a loved one...believe me there are some crazy stories that many can tell about experience in dealing with money hungry family and ex family members. Particularly ex wives..coming to haunt you...learned myself that if you\'ve been married to someone 10yrs or more you can collect the difference in S.S. you get. Doesn\'t take from the current spouses funds though. Mike\'s ex contacted SS within a week of his death to collect and knew, they told her, that I would get a call to confirm his death. All she had to do was to ask her son if death certificate info was sent, as he knew the funeral director. Take care and just keep moving forward girl... Hugs, D