Alcoholism is an Issue

 I'm 55 years old. I started drinking when I was about 15. All my adult life I've tried to confine my drinking to weekends only or times when I'm on vacation from work. That doesn't happen any more. I work full time but now and for the last couple of years, I drink every night. Every day when I go to work I have a hangover.   I stopped drinking for a whole year back in 2009. It was a miserable experience. I felt good psychically but emotionally i no longer looked forward to anything. I found little enjoyment or pleasure in anything. I never even looked forward to time off anymore. A Saturday night was no different than a Tuesday night so i never felt. "TGIF". I stopped wanting to do the things I love such as cooking, listening to music, going to the beach etc so in 2010 I decided to go back to alcohol.   Alcohol is having a terrible impact on my career and I fear that it's impacting my health as well. I'm very socially phobic so the idea of going to rehab or alcoholics anonymous is pretty much out of the question form me.   I feel like I'm on some sort of crash course and I'm either going to lose my job or my health. The idea of putting down the bottle is something i have little desire for and i believe that if I did make that decision, I wouldn't stick to it so what's the point? I don't mean to be pessimistic but I really don't know what else to do other than stay on this self destructive course which gives me some comfort.