Alannon Notes

Today I went to a morning meeting and here is what i got from it.

Take time to pause and relfecet. GO inward with yourself and connect to your highpower. Try to be gentle with yourself. Transform anger into calmness by seeking serenity through your higher power. Sometimes the easy path isnt the path that will lead you to the beautiful sunset that is available for you. 

This morning was a difficult one for me. I was very angry. I felt a clenching all around me to try and control my partners addiction and also to control my own feelings. I felt powerless over my anger and my feelings. I told myself i needed to get on a meeting to seek some kind of peace. At least I could if nothing else show up -- and see what happens. It was good for me to hear everyone talk about there anxieties and also what they have been doing to counter those anxieties. The soothing voices were a contrast to my harsh feelings and when I gave my share i felt very upset but after venting through my anger and accepting it was there I felt a little bit of a load lifted. Someone in the program mentioned letting things unfold and allowing yourself to heal like a rose or a flower slowing blooming. I really helped to turn my mood around and propell me in a direction to try and take the focus off others for a moment to listen and validate myself. Through out the day i have gone in and out of anger, in and out of trying to control things but the discussions with my partner have been a little more smooth and eventually i did find time to pray. When I did I felt comforted. Sometimes when I pray i feel very scattered so i did an outline of my prayer to help keep me focused and a lit a candle in thanks and connection to god. The guidlines for my prayer helped me stay focused and even if for just a moment be calmn. I am appreciative of all the things I have done today so far to care for myself and Im trying to be patient with all my feelings and all the times i go back and forth with wanting to control, and feeling some relief.