Aftermath of the loss

The aftermath of the loss of a dear one in our lives never ceases to amaze me.  It is bad enough that we have to cope, deal with and accept that our loved one is gone.  The grieving process takes time and it is different with each one of us.  It's the paperwork or legal things that annoy me.  My husband Smokey died without a will.  I had to see a lawyer who is taking her sweet time in my case.  I am finally seeing her today along with my daughter for support.  I saw the lawyer on Nov. 20, 2009 and now this is my second time being Feb. 5, 2010.  Even my daughter says the lawyer is dragging her heels, which is why she is coming with me.  My daughter says you have to keep on top of the lawers or they will drag your case out.  It's good advice.  My daughter is the practical one, which helps me.  I need the practical help as well.  I really want the estate settled as quickly as possible for financial purposes.  Looking for work is stressful.  I tried this week but it just added to the grief so I am going to be soft on myself.  When I started looking for work, I started losing sleep over everything.  The day I went soft on myself, I started to sleep better.  Even my cousin said to stop looking for work as it is not the right time.  She could be right.  My daughter on the other hand said look for work and get a part-time job so you won't be bored.  I am not bored.  I am still trying to dealling and cope with my own loss.  It is not easy.  I admire and applaud everyone who has lost a dear one.  It's a horrible situation to be in and we shall get thru it one day at a time.  My faith in God also helps or I might have wanted to end it all myself.  I feel as if I can't go on without Smokey but each day I wake up in the morning with the hole in my heart.  It is not easy.  I hope you have a good day.