after math

i had a blast, a good time in costa rica and panama and on my way back home, in the plane i started crying.. i didnt want to return at all. i wasnt ready.  now i am here and i feel like i am worse off then before.  ive tasted something good and now am back to the same shit here.  i dont like it and i know if i want things to change i need to do it, but why cant i.  why am i stuck here in his apartment? why cant i grab my crap and leave.  i miss vacation.