Advice
Sisters, I need some advice...really I want someone to tell me what to do. Saturday was maybe my worst day since that first week. Really, really bad...all day long, it just wouldn't let up. Sunday, the 17th was my due date for my baby. She was born on the 20th Wednesday. Still no concrete plans on what to do that day, still waiting on divine inspiration.
So...a few weeks ago I put in an application for a job. It's called a Peer Specialist with the Life Management Center of Florida. Well, there is no degree required, you basically just have to have suffered from a disorder. As far as the actual tasks go, I have no idea. I got a call today for an interview at 10am in the morning. The pay is nothing, little less than 18K a year...I would basically be working for the health insurance I am worried about after my husband retires. But...maybe I could help people...am I strong enough yet??? I have a hard time keeping to any sort of schedule...but could this be my calling??? I know it's possible...I have been yearning for and waiting for God to show me the way, the reason I am still here...so on the most painful and emotional week since the first week, I get the call...my interview is tomorrow, Cassi's birthday is Wednesday.
Also...another mom I have been talking to referred me to a bereavement counselor with Hospice in Panama City. I have actually called, just once though...wasn't able to reach him. Today he called me...I remember she told me she had passed my story on to a State Trooper...I am wondering if that is how he got my information. She works in Law Enforcement so had connections...
Okay, guys...please give me your thoughts...I know all these things are ultimately my decision, I know that and I own it. I just want to do the right thing, for myself, in honor of my daughter and to help others...am I "there" yet??? Or am I "stuck" and just need this little, well, big push to get me out of this rut and off my ass...I just don't know...I just don't know.
So...a few weeks ago I put in an application for a job. It's called a Peer Specialist with the Life Management Center of Florida. Well, there is no degree required, you basically just have to have suffered from a disorder. As far as the actual tasks go, I have no idea. I got a call today for an interview at 10am in the morning. The pay is nothing, little less than 18K a year...I would basically be working for the health insurance I am worried about after my husband retires. But...maybe I could help people...am I strong enough yet??? I have a hard time keeping to any sort of schedule...but could this be my calling??? I know it's possible...I have been yearning for and waiting for God to show me the way, the reason I am still here...so on the most painful and emotional week since the first week, I get the call...my interview is tomorrow, Cassi's birthday is Wednesday.
Also...another mom I have been talking to referred me to a bereavement counselor with Hospice in Panama City. I have actually called, just once though...wasn't able to reach him. Today he called me...I remember she told me she had passed my story on to a State Trooper...I am wondering if that is how he got my information. She works in Law Enforcement so had connections...
Okay, guys...please give me your thoughts...I know all these things are ultimately my decision, I know that and I own it. I just want to do the right thing, for myself, in honor of my daughter and to help others...am I "there" yet??? Or am I "stuck" and just need this little, well, big push to get me out of this rut and off my ass...I just don't know...I just don't know.
Replies
Me? I would go to the interview, ask questions and get a \"feel\" for the place. Then maybe your heart would know enough to make a decision.
Hugs,
Leda
I applaud you for even attempting anything at this point! Assuming that you are \"strong\" enough, go to the interview and, as Leda suggested, get a feel for the place and people. You\'ve probably got a 50/50 chance of being ready and if you are, you will know it! Even if you need to force yourself for awhile, sometimes that\'s what it takes.
I think \"stuck\" is a common factor with alot of us here. We get stuck until either we get stuck on something else, or wake up one morning and are not stuck any more. Oh if there was only instructions but alas, this doesn\'t come with instructions and each of us would need individual ones anyway. I will be thinking of you and trusting that you will make the right choice for you, right now. Hugs, Merrilee
I agree with Leda - go for an interview - You will know if this is the right time and even if it\'s something you want to do. Sometimes we don\'t feel like a help to others because of where we think we are - but I have seen great strength come from you, my dear friend. ((hugs)) vicki
Making a very large decision when emotionally at a place where commitment is very difficult is a challenge. But you are not signing a contract in blood, are you? Go to the interview. If they offer the job, take it ONLY if it means you do not have to shoulder the serious emotional problems of others. Nothing is engraved in stone, take it day by day. If you feel you are unable to make this commitment, FOR WHATEVER REASON, gracefully bow out: they WILL understand. Whether or not you\'re \"ready\" is a question no one can answer. If this is a call of God, you will be able to do it. I am unable to make any commitments at this point in my journey but in the early months I did volunteer work for a right to life pregnancy support center and it helped enormously. You must have some objectivity about your own response to the increase in pressure: if you cannot, then do not. There\'s no shame in quitting and trying takes a great deal of courage.
As for the hospice....I never heard of such a thing for grief. I do know that without my grief counselor I would not be where I am today and she was a gift from God, I have no doubt of that. You are in the middle of doing difficult things at a difficult time of year and the setback you are experiencing IS NORMAL AND TO BE EXPECTED. Being busy helping others on important dates, or being in beautiful places, helps enormously to get through that date. You are facing ALL THE FIRSTS, it does get (not easier) gentler...that\'s the word, gentler. Once you understand that any emotional challenge (even a sore throat!) will (WILL) set you back a ways (and that is normal and EXPECTED) and once you KNOW you have come through it, you will also learn you CAN and WILL come through it again, no matter how many times, how many setbacks, you will get stronger, you will become more confident in your ability to keep going forward. This isn\'t a contest. There\'s no \"winner\" and \"loser\". This is your life, your heart emotions, your thoughts, your personal suffering. All we can do is tell you that we\'ve been there, that we\'re surviving. is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes.
Yes, more investigation. See how you feel about the people, place, work etc. I trust you to know if it\'s worth a try....what bad can happen? only good, making contacts, thinking things over, trying to get back into life after cacooning. I do a little of both. Love, Abby
You don\'t need to know just yet... Have the interview as the others are suggesting and I have a sense you will know. If anything at all feels like a nudge and a spark go for it.
I had two interviews for a hospice job and really thought it was \"it \"and then I felt such dread because the social worker that interviewed with me felt like a mummy. I knew she was \"there\" yet not \"there\" and I actually called her and she let me know that she was leaving the company and without saying, why, I guessed... I felt so deflated because I had really thought this was \"it\" and two months later, \"it\" landed in my lap and I was back at the hospital where I had trained and had no idea that they were even looking for anyone?! Had I taken that hospice job I would have missed landing back in the most wonderful job I could have ever had.
If this is not \"it\" something will be and it could be a great practice run and if it is... Well, there you go...
My thoughts are with you and please let us know how tomorrow feels when you are able.
Lots of loving care as you give this a go and discern what will be best for YOU.
XO Joanie
Hoping the other sisters have helped you. I really have no opinions, as we all are different. I know I could not even function, at the time frame you are in. ai hope you find peace, in whatever decision you make...
((((HUGS))))....Julia
When Roz. died I felt so horrible I don,t think I could have went on any job intervview I was so physically and mentally drained. I was suffering sever depression also. but that is me you seem like a pretty strong women. I would take the advice everyone gave you. Just go check it out if you don,t like it don,t go back. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR ANGEL CASSIE. Big Hugs and Love Mary Ann.
I agree with the others. Make a list of specific questions about the position, so you get a feel for how you will tackle it emotionally. It may be something great. For Cassadi\'s birthday...lots of people set off balloons with notes in them and see if they get a response. I am a bit freakier. I would make a simple picnic, gets some gal pals together or whoever you wish. Do the picnic, tell stories, play music then when it starts to get a little dark pull out a big bucket of \"bubbles\" they make really big wands - dollar store or some folks use the metal frame of an old lampshade. Again - Dollar store get a bunch of glow in the dark sticks...cut them open and put them in the bubbles.....then you can send twinkling pretty glow in the dark bubbles to your baby!!!!!!!!! Love Matt\'t Mom Mary
If I didn\'t have work every day I would just be in bed, so for me it is a great help. The numbness is always here but having something to put my head into helps to distract my mind. Sending you Hugs. Kathy
Great advice being given. I agree that you should go for the interview.
Please let us know how it goes!
Love you!
Love to Cassi!
My local hospice also offers grief counseling. It was the best thing i could have done for myself. The woman who met with me was a trained grief counselor and I was not charge a penny. She later formed a group of parents who had lost adult children, which I still attend.
I hope your job interview gives you the answers you need to make a decision about working. Will be thinking about you.
Hugs, Debbie
I agree with Leda, get a feel for things first. Know what you are expected to do then search your soul for the answer if you can do it or not.
Penny