Addictions suck
Okay- so here I am. I said I was going to deal with one addiction at a time. I couldn't kick the "love" addiction and the pot addiction at the same time. Btw- the reason I put "love" in quotes is b/c although I realize how real and dangerous that addiction is- I don't like the name for it. I feel its more of an addiction to being abused that we mistake for love- but that's really here nor there.
Anyway- I'm not "cured" of the love addiction- I've just gotten to a point where it doesn't have to be my main focus. I realize what I NEED to do now to fully heal and I fully intend on doing it. But I know that I can only go so far in my personal growth if I continue to get high. I am making the choice to grow as a person.
I'm starting to feel the self-doubt I always feel when I stop smoking weed. This feeling like if I haven't learned how to be okay without the weed yet- what makes me think I can now. Shitty feelings. I really really really want to smoke right now and I can't get it tonight. I tried to. I could still try harder, but I wont. I beleive everythin in life happens for a reason and the reason I can't get shit right now is b/c God's helping me out. He knows how hard it is to quit on my own.
I was going to start quitting on Wednesday- for Lent. But I have a HUGE day in my career happening on Thursday and it would be nice to have Wednesday be day four instead of day one. By then I'll probably be able to get a decent night's sleep.
Well either way- I'm not smoking tonight. And somehow- putting the goal on this site makes it seem more real. So I've done that. I'm gonna go listen to some music and try to make it so I don't want to pull my fucking hair out from withdrawal. I think that's the answer- whenever I want to smoke I should do something nice for myself to make it easier on me that way its not as hard.
Off to do that.
Anyway- I'm not "cured" of the love addiction- I've just gotten to a point where it doesn't have to be my main focus. I realize what I NEED to do now to fully heal and I fully intend on doing it. But I know that I can only go so far in my personal growth if I continue to get high. I am making the choice to grow as a person.
I'm starting to feel the self-doubt I always feel when I stop smoking weed. This feeling like if I haven't learned how to be okay without the weed yet- what makes me think I can now. Shitty feelings. I really really really want to smoke right now and I can't get it tonight. I tried to. I could still try harder, but I wont. I beleive everythin in life happens for a reason and the reason I can't get shit right now is b/c God's helping me out. He knows how hard it is to quit on my own.
I was going to start quitting on Wednesday- for Lent. But I have a HUGE day in my career happening on Thursday and it would be nice to have Wednesday be day four instead of day one. By then I'll probably be able to get a decent night's sleep.
Well either way- I'm not smoking tonight. And somehow- putting the goal on this site makes it seem more real. So I've done that. I'm gonna go listen to some music and try to make it so I don't want to pull my fucking hair out from withdrawal. I think that's the answer- whenever I want to smoke I should do something nice for myself to make it easier on me that way its not as hard.
Off to do that.
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