addiction to xanax

im terrified right now.i admitted to my mom that i have an addiction with xanax. ive been taking about 3 a day of .5mg, usually before meals, otherwise i cant eat. ive been addicted to  xanax for over a year now and i heavily rely on it. it hurts so bad to know that i cant control myself with the pills. and if i dont take them ill get withdrawls that feel so unbearable. im terrified to live my life without them. if i wasnt pregnant i know id be taking 10+ a day. and since im pregnant and taking this drug, im going to talk to my doctors tomorrow to see if a detox center is something i should consider. i really dont want to be without this drug. it is the worst and best thing that has ever happened to me. it gave me some of my life back, some control. but at the same time it takes all that away from me.  i just wish i could have a moment of peace in my mind where im not thinking about the drug, or panic attacks, or being afraid to eat.and i know my moms upset with me and its putting a burden on her...i think she thinks its easy to be able to stop, i wish i could explain exactly how hard it is to not swallow a pill.