I think I am really seeing my patterns and I'm not sure whether to take a break from men or practice on them.... Last night a man who I used to date called me. I still keep in touch with him after we broke up (or rather after HE broke up with ME) and I'm really not sure why because he never really treated me all that great (wow big surprise). He says we are friends (if I had a dime for every guy who wanted to be my "friend" but not my man I'd be rich!) In between girlfriends he thinks it would be great for us to hang out together and fool around because we have "history" well I finally told him that I wasn't interested in being with someone physically unless we had a relationship and so he didn't talk to me for 2 months because he said I was rude!!!! God knows why I took his call again because all he does is make me feel like crap:( Goal: Never talk to him again. I am no longer torturing myself bending over backwards being friends with someone who just makes me feel bad about myself. Then when I stopped talking to him the desperation of talking to ANY man set in. So I called this guy I had a met this summer. Luckily he didn't answer his phone. I don't know why I'm calling him. I don't even LIKE him. He's arrogant and cocky and he's into phone games like texting me then when I text him he never texts back. Action: I deleted all his texts and number from my phone so I don't feel tempted to call him. Then I start thinking about calling the guy I recently broke up with this summer. The other one who wanted everything from me but gave nothing in return. I actually felt SORRY for him and wondered if he was all right. I'm thinking maybe I was too harsh breaking up with him. So I went over the list of reasons I did and I resisted the call. BUT....being a single Mom I get lonely and when I'm lonely is when I am tempted to screw all my hard work and just get someone to talk to or be with to ease this loneliness. So I decided I have to feel this loneliness and deal with it. No more trying to fill it with a guy. It is so very hard:( My whole inclination is to get away from the feeling any way I know how. I was kinda skeptical when a book said I was addicted but now I think that book's right!