Addendum

Here I sit again all stressed and can't explain my feelings. I'm not sure what to do where to go or how to act. My mind clutters up when I'm content and clears up when I'm depressed. The easy answer is I'm this way because the gf is gone but that's not true. I've been this way for a couple of weeks now i just couldn't dwell on it because she was there. I hope this is not permeant I really can't go on this way I hope I find the root of the problem.

As I sit here at work I am putting a lot of thought into this. I'm trying to trouble shoot my self and I have a couple of ideas. When I started my road to improvement I wanted to be friendly and to feel more so I could connect with people better. Maybe the reason I'm still hurting is now I do feel more in my past I'd have to have a gf but other than that I'd shut off all other feelings. Now that I've opened up now a gf isn't enough I need friends too. It's to much burden to put this all on one person I need interaction with several people. I also can't share true feelings with her so I need a good friend to do that with. I might loose some of my support soon so I need to start looking for more support soon.

If anyone actually reads this sorry for the jumbled up mess here I'm on my iPhone at work so it's hard to type edit or see this entry. I'll edit it later.

I felt pretty bad earlier but I decided that I needed to email some folks so I have someone to talk too. I once said I needed to be offline more but that was because I needed a girlfriend. I made some good friends here and I do not want to loose them so I will devote more time in keeping in contact with people. Anyway since I emailed some folks I feel better and since I emailed a few people if someone doesn't respond I won't feel as rejected. I miss using this site
I didn't know how much it helped but I can see now that it really does help.