ACCIDENT ANNIVERSARY

Hard to believe that four years ago at this very minute I was all alone ,trapped in my vehicle in freezeing cold water wondering if I was gonna live...Its 4:46 am & I havent been to bed yet....My terrible memery feels like it was this year...I had been christmas shopping late about midnight and on my way home,I rounded a curve and hit a patch of ice.I hit a tree head on and went over a hundred foot embankment,landing upside down in a creek bed. My drivers seat had broke and flipped backwards on impact and had trapped me by the seat belt.The seat belt was cutting into my stomache and across my upper legs and I was half in the creek water.At first my first reaction was to grab my kids Christmas presents that were floating past me until I realized I was just getting more soaked.I had no sence of direction,in the vehicle or even where I really was..I remember laying in the glass and water,and looking into the moon lit night ,watching the shadows and snow fall from the trees.The creek was very loud and I kept hopeing no vicious wild animals would be comeing along.After awhile I had lost feeling due to my circulation being cut off and the hypothermia setting in...I would yell help until I was just to exhausted to yell...I would think of my kids and how much I loved them and was so very proud of them.I thought of all my lifes mistakes and what I should have done different...It was a very long eight hours before a snow plow driver seen my tracks and rescued me...I was air lifted to a trama hospital where I was shakeing so bad I couldnt quit,I spent a week in ICU and went home in a wheel chair just before Christmas..No broken bones but I had severe swelling from the seat belt cutting off my circulation.I didnt walk for three months.My life changed dramatically after that event in my life and I feel so alone because no one seems to understand. I will never be the same person that I was.I not only suffer from physical pain everyday but a mental pain as well. On the other hand I try to appreciate things a little more .I need to except the changes in my life and move on but its been very hard...Well, this has been very exhausting takeing myself through it all again so I am ending this journal entry ....