acceptance part 2

What I’m really fucking pissed off about is that she is the way she is. If I’m honest with myself that’s it. I would give ANYTHING for her not to be that way. But she is. I have to leave. She’ll never be what I need her to be. I just need to accept that. I want to go downstairs and yell at her right now. I want to say- “what the fuck were you thinking when you said that before? You’re insensitive as shit and I can’t deal with you anymore.”   Every part of me needs to fucking leave this place right now. But its like I don’t have the will to. It’s because I fucked up. I’m mad at myself. You know what- from now on I’m going to be brutally honest with her. I don’t care how hurt she gets. She doesn’t take 10 seconds to think about how I would feel when she says things like that.
I keep fucking trying to make her different. I keep trying to make her something I need her to be. But she’s her- shallow, judgmental, snobby. She’ll never be what I need her to be. I have to love myself enough to let it go. It’s not my fault. I can’t be around shallow and judgmental people. Esp not my ma. I just have to stop. But it’s so hard. I want to tell her about my life so bad. I want someone to listen to me. But every time I do she makes me feel so much worse. She doesn’t get me at all. She won’t ever. Acceptance is what I need. She has a lot of good. I need to accept that she can’t be any different. She can’t because she won’t.