Acceptance? Belonging?
Acceptance is a huge deal for me. I don't mean that I try to be like everyone else so they can like me. I'm talking about being accepted for who I am. It feels like my family never understood me and sometimes I feel like I don't fit in with friends I have here. I've never liked sports as much as my family would want me to, instead of being the athletic type I'm more of the artistic type. This makes me stand out from my family, since everyone expects me to be the next captain of the soccer team or whatever. It's just not me.
I only have one female friend here who understands me. She's my best friend but we don't get to hang out much because she's involved in some school programs, school programs that don't deal with sports at all. Now I do like softball, last year I didn't play for my school because I was dealing with some mental issues, and this year I don't want to because I don't think my leg will be as healed as I'd like it to be from my surgery. My dad thinks I'm just making excuses. I make him look bad I guess. Well it doesn't matter because if he would accept me for me, he wouldn't look bad, because I'm really good at what I do, but he'll never know. And even if he does, it won't matter to him. He'll only give me a hint of recognition. Just a look of pleasant surprise and nothing else.
My other friends are all guys, not because I'm some kind of whore my dad might think me as, but because guys are just more fun and free spirited. Whenever I hang out with girls I just feel uncomfortable because I don't care about most of the things they do.
I've decided that when I turn 18 I'm just going to be who I am. I don't care what my family or friends will think. I'm not comfortable being even a little like them. I need to be myself, and I know who I am is pretty great, whether my friends or family know it or not, I don't care. I'll make a name for myself, I'll be known for who I am, not for who someone wants me to be.
This is also a goal update, I'm proud to say I don't feel like a burden anymore. DS has allowed me to meet some great friends who have really helped me out. I do feel wanted, and I feel loved now. Maybe not by my family or the friends I have in town, but by the great and amazing people that I love and live for. I thank you guys so much!
I only have one female friend here who understands me. She's my best friend but we don't get to hang out much because she's involved in some school programs, school programs that don't deal with sports at all. Now I do like softball, last year I didn't play for my school because I was dealing with some mental issues, and this year I don't want to because I don't think my leg will be as healed as I'd like it to be from my surgery. My dad thinks I'm just making excuses. I make him look bad I guess. Well it doesn't matter because if he would accept me for me, he wouldn't look bad, because I'm really good at what I do, but he'll never know. And even if he does, it won't matter to him. He'll only give me a hint of recognition. Just a look of pleasant surprise and nothing else.
My other friends are all guys, not because I'm some kind of whore my dad might think me as, but because guys are just more fun and free spirited. Whenever I hang out with girls I just feel uncomfortable because I don't care about most of the things they do.
I've decided that when I turn 18 I'm just going to be who I am. I don't care what my family or friends will think. I'm not comfortable being even a little like them. I need to be myself, and I know who I am is pretty great, whether my friends or family know it or not, I don't care. I'll make a name for myself, I'll be known for who I am, not for who someone wants me to be.
This is also a goal update, I'm proud to say I don't feel like a burden anymore. DS has allowed me to meet some great friends who have really helped me out. I do feel wanted, and I feel loved now. Maybe not by my family or the friends I have in town, but by the great and amazing people that I love and live for. I thank you guys so much!
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