abuse changes everything

i am here to help you to not face your demons alone
sometimes we have to go through anguish and suffering to renew ourselves
we need to face the truths of our past, make it balanced again, and stop making excuses and lies, as we run from the pain.
face the pain. accept what has been done. feel the anger and hatred, despair and helplessness. it wasn't okay. it wasn't natural. it wasn't good.
it's as if you're stuck in a thought-process of being okay with any sort of abuse that comes your way.
he has said he believed he was a willing participant. that it was mutual.
he has said that he had started early, meaning his sexual relations/life. you were 5 yrs old!! that's NOT "starting early."
he has said, "deep down it bothers me when people make gay jokes. and maybe it's because i really am bi, i don't even know. but i just don't look at boys and say 'oh he's so hot'" etc.... "boys" not "men" or "guys" or "males"
he has said he would enjoy getting a hard-on due to fellatio-meaning, starting out completely flaccid. this worries me, because, is that how the abuse started?
he has said that he wonders if the abuse is why he gets so easily aroused, by simple touches and kissing, since he "started out early" bullshit
now i can't even look at our sex life the same. i will always worry. is that why he can't get off? he's so easily aroused, yet it's so difficult for him to get off. i don't like where his head is at. this shit has really messed him up, and i think he still believes that the abuse was okay. and i wonder if there's a connection of this and mary. she dumped him continuously, they fought incessently, and he kept going back to it. it makes me wonder if he's just stuck on, getting the attention any place he can. does he feed off the negative/unhealthy attention? he hates himself, and he doesn't even know it. he calls himself superman because he wants to help/save everyone. i just read this on a "adult survivors of child abuse" page: "They may become over-responsible, believing that they are accountable for everything and must take care of others, often meeting the needs of others before their own." OFTEN MEETING THE NEEDS OF OTHERS BEFORE THEIR OWN. i've been saying that for months! i've been concerned about that for months! it's as if he doesn't even care about himself-no! it's as if he doesn't even exist in his own life.
lord help me.