about me

I don't know where to start with this. I know I need help but it is really hard for me to open up to people. I hold everything in. I've been divorced for 10 years with 3 boys ages 15, 13, and 11. I feel I am a bad mother. my oldest has used drugs, alcohol and smoked but has stopped most of it. my middle son has admitted to smoking pot once and trying alcohol. my younger 2 were brought home by the cops the other day for being out after curfew, they left the house when I went to my room to get ready for bed. I just had my birthday on Saturday. I really didn't want to do anything I didn't want to be reminded that I had spent another year alone and doing this on my own. i'm not one to cry but that is all I have wanted to do lately I haven't but it is getting harder to hold back. i usually just put on my fake smile and tell everyone that everything is okay but in the last 2 weeks i haven't done my hair just brushed it and maybe put it in a ponytail. i haven't done my makeup. nothing i haven't wanted to do anything or be around anyone. i feel completely alone even when i'm around friends.  i hate my antidepressants but i know i need them. i just don't know anymore.