about pain.

Waking up in tears is a sign.
Fog doesn't always see the signs.  It whirls across the path and then for a moment it lifts and you see the pain. Pain has a huge sign.  Big bright and glittering.  It is startling, garish, blinking neon.
I see it, quietly take it in and do my own share of blinking.  I stop,  I don't want pain to misread my blinking for winking.  I do not wish to flirt with pain. 
My mind compels me to make up a jumping rope jingle.
Hmmmm, here goes........do this with me in old school sing songy chanting school kid voice:
Pain, Pain --- Go Away
Never Come Back --- Just Go Away
Ha Ha, Cut Your Power --- You Can't Stay
Pain, Pain --- Go Away!
Lord, I don't mind about not dancing in person on the floor, because you showed me how to dance in my soul. How to be happy beyond what I understand.  When pain knocks me about like an old rag doll.
You gave me small distances to cross, thank you.  You provided me with a cane and washed away pride so I use it.  I use the cane, the walls, the furniture, the counter tops.  I go slow and I stop, the pain is startling.........it has my attention.  I stop and I pray.  I pray to you to help me........to be cheerful when it seems impossible to cheer anyone on, let alone myself.  I pray to keep going.......to relax and breathe with the pain.  To somehow release it out there, out of my being and into the air. 
Help me Lord, protect me.........help me to retain calm and peace.  The part of pain seems to be cast the same time after time.  Pain is played by Goliath.  My part is played by young master David.   
I imagine David facing Goliath.  Wielding his slingshot.........whipping it round and round, gathering speed.  Standing his ground.  My arm cannot do this and my legs bid me to sit........my Spirit steps up and says, "I am ready.  I can fight this foe."
My Spirit fights in surprising ways.  Not with weapons of stone, leather and wood......but with prayer, I stand my ground.  I ask the Lord for help.  The Lord our God is resolute, in care of me.  He is here. He lends his aid with swiftness against this fiery pain.  I gently rise and stand as I feel the pain unball it's mighty fist.  It goes.......far far away.
I sleep for many hours and rise silently, tired from this joint battle.  It is an effort to continuously surrender my life to the Lord.  I want to stand and rail and scream and yell and shout obscenities at this horrific foe pain.  That is part of my nature........to show how angry I am, to demand and command respect.  To be on top of the hill at the end of the day.  Used to play a childhood game called "King of the Mountain."
One had to shove off any and all comers off a mound of dirt
in order to hold that coveted title. 
Why we never called it Queen of the Mountain is a sign of the era I  grew up in..........lol!  We did have a show with Queen in the title.  It was called "Queen for a Day."  Yup, we managed to get a period of 24 hours to reign the land.  There I go running off into left field
In my Home, in this place of Sanctuary
God is King of the Mountain.
Overall I'm amazed that I can concentrate at all.  That pain earlier has left me wiped out. 
I thought Celebrex was my 400 mg. force field against it. Satan laughed.
I prayed. God answered.
Pain comes like a thief and tears things up. The brain fog is a help in many ways.  If I had to constantly live knowing how bad it is, I might not continue seeking the light.  The darkness might try to steal my joy, my peace........my garden forever.
Back to bed now little bird.  Courage takes energy. 
You are being so brave.
To all the sons and daughters of the mighty David.......I salute you.
It is an honor to serve with you in this fight against pain.
 
 
 

Replies

carolmj
carolmj

Bless you my little friend... we needs never stand alone!
Rusters
Rusters

Hoping and praying your pain leaves or subsides.....HUGS bird girl! xxoo
mechellebelle
mechellebelle

I am so sorry you struggle so with this. Pain takes so much energy that it is impossible to understand unless you experience it. I pray for release from this pain for you, pray for healing, pray for lightness and brightness inside of yourself and tomorrow is a new day. God bless you Ruthie. love and hugs.