about Corn & Courage....

confession......

sometimes i pick out kid movies and make a full night of it.

corny.....as in yellow, sweet, all kernel kid movies.......serious CORN!

i don't edit these picks, i just pick 'em, watch 'em and let go......

about a princess (& endangered species), about double dutch action, about a girl leading a double life.....

whatever the story i let myself sink into it just like any other movie.

i find myself smiling, laughing and yeah sometimes crying...take this morning for instance.

it was the beginning of a new day.  i had finally gotten a good night of sleep.  a solid 8 plus hours......after not sleeping for 36 hours save one 1 hour nap. i felt the seeds of humanity taking root again after being so tired i couldn't spell my own name.  'cept now i had sinus problems out the wazoo, sneezing like no tomorrow, ears that hurt, pressure in my cheekbones & forehead and a nose that drips like a bad faucet.  why can't WE GET MORE BREAKS in the symptoms action of it all???

then there was body pain.....spasms in that left hip til i couldn't lie still, had to stand, try to walk and then just as quickly as i had gotten up i had to get prone again.....felt cold tingles going down all the way into my toes....a queer chilly electricity flowing up and down my body.......my neck aches, the muscles in my shoulders pray for help......the back of my head aches from too much time on a pillow.  not enough time in the upright position. pain in my left foot.........sharp lingering pain......even after a week in bed.

the truth? who cares beyond people like us?  no seriously who cares?  nobody really.....they will semi politely listen after YEARS of COMPLAINT......but it's hard for anyone to really be all in after so much time .....where the illness and it's symptoms play on and on like a bad melody.  it loses it charm, it's capacity for compassion, it's ability to dredge up the things we need most.

like HOPE.  like PATIENCE.  like unending LOVE.  like COURAGE. which is where God comes in......

i thought of a recent memory.  a dream....on stage stood an inspirational speaker.  a banner hung high over head .....the word COURAGE a prominent feature.  and that's when it hit me.......MY HIP HOP ARTIST NAME!

... lose the ou in Courage and become C-RAGE!  Create my own label of music by an aging white haired bed ridden poet......someone who saw less time in the streets but had learned about COURAGE in so many ways.......on this journey about illness.  about a fight that leaves a person UNdefined NOR remembered as a sick person.  to be a real person .....more than a wish, but a HOPE fervently held by one little wooden puppet and me.  Pinocchio an Me. C-RAGE & Pinocchio both yearning to be REAL.

silly thoughts? yup, yeah sure......always. always and always.  i even cried......when Hannah Montana pulled off her wig in her hometown and revealed to the world that she was just MILEY......she said, "Life's a climb.......and then she sang:

"The Climb"

by Miley Cyrus

So I hope this morning finds you hanging in there......unafraid and unashamed to claim that brass ring called HOPE.  Cause me 'n you are all about HOPE....faith, love, compassion, and COURAGE.  you're the  most courageous people i know.......from your corny friend who loves you.......yesterday, today and always!