about being 62 and other things, venting, experiencing goodness amidst hard physical valleys

thank you for sharing, for the understanding.........i wish that we were able to strike up the band and create more dimensional support for each and everyone of us battling unending health challenges.

i am so sorry that you have to combat daily challenges yourself........if you have access to netflix, catch "Unrest".......a documentary done by a young woman with CFS/ME........

i was preprepping for my birthday gift by staying in bed, by limiting chores and so forth......the kids and I, Sam, Sara and Derian went to Fernbank Science Center last night.  I'd been wanting to go for a long time.........primarily to see the planetarium.  There were challenges.........lots of stairs, no bathroom access on the main floor.......they kindly allowed me to use the staff restroom.  Super nice of them......we all really wanted to see STARS, PLANETS......LIFE UP THERE IN THE UNIVERSE.

we strolled through the exhibits, a lot of it interactive for children, and all of us being just tall kids at heart enjoyed interacting......wish you could have seen the photographs......submitted by scientists and students from around the globe of pictures of all sorts of things that had been blown up a kajillion times.  one was of a centipedes fangs......wild and weird.  a beautiful photo of diatoms......try to imagine brilliant colors that made me think of life under the sea.......splashes of color and light that fascinate.  that draw you in.......one of the photos was so incredible and then i saw what it was a picture of........astonished the blue bells outta me.....it was a blown up picture of coffee crytals........they are GORGEOUS!  i wish i could remember all the varied subjects of the exhibit, wish you could have been there too.......there are times when i feel so starved for a "new view"......it was marvelous.

there were challenges, with severe hip pain, enough to call and make an appointment with my rheumatologist........i had a shot a few months ago to reduce the inflammation and it's back en force.......i had only eaten celery and toast yesterday pre outting......being in the car was rough, endless muscle spasms in my back........hip pain that blew me away, but thankfully eventually calmed down.......for the return drive home.  i took a muscle relaxant on the way to meeting the kids......the effort of walking the exhibit left me nauseous, shaky, weak and sweaty.......so grateful for that planetarium seat............sooooo grateful.  knowing i had that seat to look forward to got me through it......i was not well enough to drive and participate.....but i pushed to go.

i wanted to be there so badly.......while there i had to go up and down a flight of stairs five times, it was horrible.  at one point as i was descending i encountered a Viet Nam Vet on the staircase......what a gallant gentleman, he immediately offered to help me......i flashed forward to that end scene of "An Officer and a Gentleman" where Richard Gere sweeps Debra Winger off her feet and carries her out of the factory.......I thanked him for his kindness, I put my hand on top of his hand.......we acknowledged each other with a look that only another person with daily difficulties can acknowlege and sympathise with each other .......we all need to be able to share that kind of look with each other at times, to create moments where the alone is far far away for in the moment we feel understood......real, united.  his cane met my cane, his exhaustion saw my exhaustion........his kindness mirrored my own kindness. this was such a breakout moment for people like us........to see and be seen, to be understood.......i thought about our two canes as we continued to climb those bloody freaking stairs.......wondering why they had no elevator access.  sorry........pity party about the stairs.  they are so mean.  i was pushing so hard to manage the pain, the exhaustion......by the time we sat for our 8 pm showing i was bathed in sweat and battling that powerful urge to throw up........then i remembered the anti nausea pills........and took one.  it took about an hour for it to really take hold, but it did alleviate the nausea to the point that i could handle it a lot better.......i got really hot around my neck, face and scalp.......beads of sweat were dripping down my face.......it was a combination of exertion and that dad blamed nausea.......it is a terribly lonely thing to handle on one's own.......thank goodness i had a pack of Barble Kleenex in my back pack.......that i had worn my hair up........moving on FINALLY, but it was really really hard to cope with.  i know you understand based on your own life challenges........a million hugs just for you.

the documentary was to honor Black History month, it was very informative but not about the stars of planets. i was so confused. apparently they show different films at different times and well oh dear.......i love to learn and experience all sorts of things.....but on this night i was so hoping for that incredible expanse of darkened night sky filled with the endless possiblities of space.......

so afterwards sam approached the geologist who was our host/emcee and the next thing we knew he extended an invitation to stay for another show about Black Holes.......it was so cool of him to do that......for one ladies 62nd birthday.  so unbelieveably kind and cool.......we got to see those stars, embrace the planets, learn a lot about Pluto, this man's favorite planet.  the man whose name i cannot remember, might have been Scott??? did this out of the kindness of his own heart and a genuine love and joy to share what he loves with others...  so completely cool! 

i enjoyed the first show too......sam and i had seen the movie Hidden Figures back when it first came out in the theatre......and i enjoyed learning more about the triumphs and challenges men and women faced because of their race.  i think had i been in their shoes i might have felt like i would explode from the level of difficulty to be heard, seen, understood........not unlike the way i feel with our own health challenges now, but less explosive, not enough energy to explode very often at all.........

i am so tired........duh, as if you don't already know that........but it's there, like a heavy mist covering and overpowering my physical self......rio is talking away.....jumping onto the table to try and be as close as he can to me........we'll go cuddle in a minute little rio cat.......he lies either on or in the crook of my left arm several times a day since Annie crossed over the rainbow bridge back in October....we miss our annie ......little orphan annie and her beautiful green eyes.

it was really late when we left........it was only the geologist, another man who was either a really good friend or maybe the one with the keys to lock up?  not sure, but they wished me a very happy and got very tickled when i told them my brain fog had led me to think it was my 63rd birthday and then i finally realized i was a whole year younger.......a gift of a whole added year on planet earth!  sometimes brain fog can provide good surprises.......!!!!!!!  still can't believe they stayed on to show us that program which extended their own work day by well over an hour and a half.......thank you God for this sweet gift.......to be reminded of goodness, of generosity of spirit......to get to experience the essence of space with my sweet kids.......to look up in to that vast night sky and embrace possibilities........it was very joyous despite all the hard stuff.  JOY JOY JOY JOY down in my heart........

sara put together a gift bag for her funny ol momma.......it contained a really pretty candle smelling of sweet peas and something else.....a deep pink color encased in pretty glass.  an activities book not like the usual ones.....it allows for all kinds of doodling and general fun creative spirit types of activities, wish i had thought to ask her where she found it........several packages of facials with cool ingredients to cleanse the face........nice!  some really pretty dish towels, five different patterns of the Pioneer Woman's product line........very very pretty!  and a card that was so funny.  we never did go eat cause by the time we left the science center it was after 11 at night..........what a cool birthday (beyond the physical mess)....a very cool gift thanks to the kindness of those guys who took the time to make my birthday wish come true.........my kids really loved it too.....we're all geeky nerds at heart!

i had to throw out that last dinner i made, i burned it up and it didn't get better in the frig.  luckily i have top ramen to save me much time at the stovetop today.  i have melon already cut up so i can enjoy some fresh cantaloupe, the creamy chicken ramen and a nice cuppa hot tea......so cold despite the oddly warm temps in the south right now......yesterday it was in the 70's........cuh razy for February!

i also left a message for the pastor to check on Debbie, the former housekeeper......one more great thing........last week end an owls pal named Debra accepted my invite to go to a chili supper at my church.......which was followed by FUN.......they presented us with "The Not so Newlywed Game"........three couples with many years of marriage under their belts had to answer questions that were light hearted and fun......the pastor played the part of Bob Eubanks, remember him?  he had programmed the music from the original game show........it was such fun.  three hours of fun, chili and delicious southern desserts.......for $5 a head.  if we can manage it Debra and I plan to go thrift shopping sometime this week end.  she is in need of more books, a book loving reader from way way back.......never made it to the owls this week or to the bible study, but i got to have a birthday event that was great.  treasure the moments when we can.........

..........my body feels like it was in a car accident yesterday.  but the happy center in my brain is relishing last night.  my head feels like it weighs 100 pounds. my skinny little neck can't hold it up much longer........but doggone it all i got to see the universe in a planetarium..........with the kids.  thankful, hopeful and other things that are good for the soul.

love, sparrow   thanking God for keeping me steady & safe all the way home. 

p.s. the birthday card from sara and derian was UNEXPECTED AND SO FUNNY!

the cover of the card shows a woman in the kitchen mixing up a recipe, just behind her in the air is a kooky looking fair wearing a two layer cake with pink frosting as a skirt.......both characters look slightly deranged.  the fairy is wearing a crown and flourishing a magic wand aimed at the birthday victims  head.......the cover page says, "The next time the birthday fairy sneaks up on you..."

flip open the card and it says, "Take the bitch DOWN!!!!"........I am standing over the knocked out birthday fairy brandishing a large rolling pin and a wooden spin as my back up weapon.........the fairy has lost her crown, her magic wand has rolled away and she is seeing STARS......her cake skirt is broken and she is wiped out..........TKO'd.......so funny!  time for hot ramen.......and melon and tea.  yay!