a young man with a horn

I saw part of this movie about a year ago on TCM. I really enjoyed what I saw of it.

Kirk Douglas plays a tortured horn player (artist) who amongst other things has the zeal

and fire to find a magical note on his horn (this is but one detail from the movie).

Instead his efforts see him fall catastrophically into illness and tragedy... The film

ends where he resolves that instead of reaching some unreachable expression, he will

satisfy himself by playing well and being a good caring person.

It's just on my mind today. I am not sure why, but how I feel is that my mind feels like it's wearing down a bit.

Losing functionality. Actually when I am with others it feels like I am mentally degrading - when I am alone, I am set

free to think, feel and express what I like. I feel badly that it's come to this. I love my family

and I appreciate my job - grateful...but I guess everyone needs some alone time...?? Perhaps I've had to find

peace when alone to then be inspired to reach back out again?

I am finding when I am alone, I feel free and yet perhaps I am just seeing my destiny?...or

perhaps this is just a passage in my life? I am finding peace when I am alone....finally.

Nearly incapable of socializing anymore (meat head me ha!) Perhaps it's a point that

should remind me to find balance... I think I will just be grateful

for the bounty in my life...and for this place, for my family and friends and accept

that 'I am what I am' and if I need encouragement to follow my aspirations, I will push

on ... develop as I can...why I feel squashed when I think of the context of me when with others

I am not rightly sure. I will keep active about developing my health and remain optimistic

about the new puzzles which show themselves to me, that resolution will come. I know

most everybody has a kind of relationship with things that they have to keep an 'eye on'

lest they get out of hand... I will keep optimistic.