A Weekend at Mom's

School has begun. Since the start of school I have been feeling significantly panicked for short periods at a time and I keep thinking to myself, what do I have to worry about? Why am I panicking? I know that I am scared because my car has now lost the power steering and I don't know what the problem might be. I have been researching it and it could be attributed to some large parts of the car. I am now using public transportation more and more, thus I think I will be more dependent on that than on my car. It still needs to be registered and insurance and AAA needs to be changed to the new car. I am tired of thinking and dealing with that car.  The anxiety is to be dealt with for now since the lifetime of the attacks are to short to justify taking xanax. Even if I do take the xanax I run the risk of becoming a bit loopy. I cant do that right now, because I am in school. I am hoping to get a job soon and if I cannot I am hoping social security insurance will begin to help with some financial support until I am able to find a job and get my bank account back to life. I have had some problems with manic spending, especially with champaign, and I am in deep debt and I am anxious to get out.  Home life is somewhat awkward. My dad is in pain with his shoulder and I find that he is conversing with me less and less.  I know that he is going through a major diet and that may be affecting his social attitude. I notice that my step mother makes dinner for herself, my father and my step brother, however, she is completely inconsiderate towards me as a part of the rest of the family. Chau (my step mother) talks to my dad and her son, though when we are together alone we don't even make eye contact. It's uncomfortable to be around a woman who doesn't want to be around you. People tell me to just stay away from her and disregard the negative feeling that I was faced with. But, I am not that type of person, I simply don't like confrontation and especially at home. Thank God for school where I can go somewhere and have a reason to not be at home. I want to be at home, I want to feel comfortable in my surroundings. I miss the way that I used to live with my dad. I miss being happy around him. I miss talking, learning and exchanging words. This is simply another reason/mode of motivation for me to get out of the house or get out of Denver to live on my own and get back on my feet. I saw Governor Ritter in his motorcade again today and it is just a constant reminder of what i can accomplish in my life. I wish he was running again for Governor, but he has chosen to retire from the position. I hope to work for the government some day soon, I would love to work in the actual capital building. I think that it's so beautiful.  I have to conserve the battery on my laptop seeing that I am not going to be away from my charger until Sunday as I am as my mom's for the remainder of the weekend. I have to get to sleep and wake up new to study my work.  Goodnight moon.