a week later

ok well after he cried and said HE didnt want to lose me.. this was the next week.....he called (and I THINK he said... he was way 2 drunk I couldnt understand)  but I think he said... well by the time u get home tomorrow I will be gone.. I will come home and pack for deer camp... soo.. btw I am staying somewhere else tonight.is WHAT i think he said... I listened to it like 5 times... sooo pretty sure... soooo like I said... wont see his girls tomorrow either... great guy huh?  way to finally call... after ur kids are in bed.. and close to 10.. // so what he wanted to do.. was... treat me like crap in front of his friends, and try to make me feel guilty, and like its all my fault he isnt home.... sounded like he was in a garage.... echoey.... well..atleast I get the bed tonight well……………………………………around 1130/12 my daughter was sleeping with me last night I put her in bed with me cause she was having nightmaresAnd I woke up .. with him leaning on that side of the bed.I was like HOLY FUCK………….. at first then. I was like wtf… hey ……..chaise is right there… .. so he comes to my side of the bed.. and was like come out to the couch.. I was like hell no.. get the fuck out of here. And tried rubbing on me  I of course pulled away...   he said I am leaving tomorrow.. I was like ummmmm yah so???  he was like come to the couch .. I wanna have sex.. and tried pulling me out of bed….I was like get the fuck out of here before u wake chaise..  he was like she isn’t gonna wake up.. well I could feel chaise moving and she was up.. and I said russ yah she is up.. she sat up and looked right at him, and said daddy…………. and he is like come out to the couch and walked away If chaise wouldn’t of been there……he would of started a fight…  I mean WTF?  Is he stupid?  I haven’t slept with him in like 3 weeks… because of all of this shit… he treats me like shit…. Yells, threatens, stays out drinking, instead of trying to do everything possible to get me back.. and then comes in my room,.,, at 1130/12 at night drunk and telling me I am gonna have sex with him?  WHAT?  I am not just a freaking doll.. waiting for u at home to play with when u want to…How the hell does that work?  How is that ok in his head?  He just expects me to forget about it.. like nothing happened.. and then lay myself out there for him>? I am sorry but sex with me doesn’t work that way… I need to feel loved.. and not cheap… The past few mornings.. so he has stayed out drinking right?  U would THINK he would get up in the morning to help with the girls.. to see them… since he hasn’t seen them since Tuesday and wont see them for however long he is gonna be gone?   Nope.. he stays in bed, to sleep it off…. So Missy gets the girls ready,… takes Chaise to daycare while her daddy sleeps his drunk off in bed at home… and Jaden goes to school? Jesus… what the hell .. omg… seriously I am losing it here.. I just want to bawl today maybe its because I got like 3 hours of sleep … but dang it… I have no money … no where to go.. jesus… … I just cant do it anymore..