A View From the Porch
Last night I looked out our patio door and spotted the empty lawn chairs placed side by side on the back porch. They wait in vain for the couple who took such pleasure in sitting comfortably in the presence of one another sipping iced tea. Do you remember how much we enjoyed those late evenings on the porch? We chatted about this and that or just held hands in comfortable stillness as we enjoyed the rewards of nearly a half century of loving one another.
That dreaded time of year has once again rolled around—the anniversary of the beginning of my personal hell on earth, my life without you. At times, I wonder how I survived those hideous first months that brought me to the inevitable conclusion: I was unmistakably alone. But then I remember God's grace as He gently guided me through the landmines of loss. My dear husband, there is not enough room on this page to describe how I've been tenderly cared for during your absence. I was lovingly carried on His shoulders when I was unable to walk the path of loss unaided. Then the time arrived when it was safe to place me on the passageway of my new future.
My days are quite different now. I no longer sit on the back porch, my love. Sitting there without you is just plain boring. The magic is gone. The 6th year of my journey is about to begin. I continue to embrace life being confident that God does not make mistakes; your sudden death did not surprise Him. I look to my future with hope and have confidence in my Guide. I'm doing well and my life has reclaimed meaning. I have learned to seize the moment; however, I miss the best part of my life—YOU!!!!
Love to you, my friend and husband. I'll be looking for you at the gate.
That dreaded time of year has once again rolled around—the anniversary of the beginning of my personal hell on earth, my life without you. At times, I wonder how I survived those hideous first months that brought me to the inevitable conclusion: I was unmistakably alone. But then I remember God's grace as He gently guided me through the landmines of loss. My dear husband, there is not enough room on this page to describe how I've been tenderly cared for during your absence. I was lovingly carried on His shoulders when I was unable to walk the path of loss unaided. Then the time arrived when it was safe to place me on the passageway of my new future.
My days are quite different now. I no longer sit on the back porch, my love. Sitting there without you is just plain boring. The magic is gone. The 6th year of my journey is about to begin. I continue to embrace life being confident that God does not make mistakes; your sudden death did not surprise Him. I look to my future with hope and have confidence in my Guide. I'm doing well and my life has reclaimed meaning. I have learned to seize the moment; however, I miss the best part of my life—YOU!!!!
Love to you, my friend and husband. I'll be looking for you at the gate.
Replies
What can I say, Trish? Such a beautifully written and heartfelt entry. It seems like this particular weekend was a turning point for several of us. Your journey surely wasn\'t easy but you\'ve obviously come a very long way. You\'re truly an inspiration..one who models Hope for the rest of us. Thank you. With prayers and hugs, Donna Marie
I have a screened room out on the deck in the back. I spend a lot of time there just staring off into space. Somehow I feel peaceful there swinging on the porch swing that John got me a few years ago for Mothers Day. I like to go there when I am sad. I look at all the nails in the roof that John built. I think of how he hammered every single one of them in twenty years ago. They convince me that he really existed and that my whole past was more than just a wonderful dream. Hugs
What an absolutely beautiful and moving post. It brought tears to my eyes, but I do feel encouraged now that things will settle down - eventually. That God does not make mistakes.
And every night before I go to bed I say \"one more day and I am closer to being with you\". No I am not wishing my life away, but we cannot deny that time does pass (sometimes very quickly and other times very slowly).