A Trip Down Memory Lane
Its natural I'm sure to think he/she would have been x number of years old this year... a part of me sometimes thinks... what should I say/think... Is Cara 30 the age she crossed... or did she turn 36 on her birthday... what age in heaven... what age would we choose... take them back in our minds to when they were babies... oh a part of me thinks... oh I'd love to hold her as I did then... or wait... just before her 8th birthday... she lost her two front teeth... I couldn't help it... and she seemed to think it was funny too... she'd give me a big gapped smile showing where the teeth had been... grinning from ear to ear and we'd both laugh till we doubled over... or to laugh and joke like when she was around 16-17.... maybe right after T'Ben was born... It was beautiful seeing she and Ben so loving and gentle with their first child.. then there was that time we all went to SplashTown in Houston... Ben and Cara, T'Ben and Elizabeth... me and Richard... that was really awesome... or the night Logan was born... I was so ditzy... Cara calm... handling everything... looking out for everyone... down through the years... good times and bad... always I loved her so... terrible struggles as Cara's life basically came unglued... then just a few weeks before she crossed... such an awesome morning... our hearts hopeful... quiet murmur of conversation over a cup of coffee... drinking coffee in the morning was something new for Cara and I really enjoyed that morning... The Friday before she crossed... we went to Greensburg... Cara looked so nice... she had to go to court... I remember looking at her in her gray jacket/skirt, white blouse her blonde hair in a French twist... thinking how ironic... she looks so good she could be a lawyer instead she needs a lawyer... but still the day... the trip... even the detour for road work... all pleasant... Saturday... she was dressed up when I got home from work...wanting to borrow my van to go to Thibodaux she said to see Jeremy and Logan... T'Ben and Elizabeth were going skating so she wouldn't be able to see them... She looked better than she had in some time... I was nervous about the chances of her relapsing but thinking to myself I have to trust her at some point... so I said yes but that I wanted her to get back by midnight so I could know I'd have my transportation for work... She changed blouses... I loved the blue green with black stripes and the cut of the blouse... very pretty... her hair looked so beautiful... I asked her if she'd had it done at a salon but she said no she did it herself... Nice n Easy... wow... I was surprised... she said they had coloring products now where you could get the natural looking blending shades like she had now and that she'd color my hair for me first chance... I haven't been able to color my hair since... I've wanted my hair colored but just can't bear it... I want Cara to do it... I cry when I remember but I also smile... so grateful for our time... looking forward to seeing her when its my time to go... I want just to sit beside you Cara... to feel you there... I miss you...
Replies
I have the same type of feelings, the scenerio is somewhat the same with the names changed. So till the day my Denise and I are reunited, I guess I\'ll just wait and wonder about what would have been or what is yet to be and hopefully the need for answers to questions will not be there anymore. I send my love to you and Cara. Your friend, BarbaraWawa
I\'m walking alongside of you on your trip down Memory Lane... So many precious and heartfelt thoughts come to mind, don\'t they? Yet, what I feel the most vividly are the times shared with Cara and your love for her. Also, how proud you felt of the woman she was and was evolving into. :)
That morning cup of coffee and conversations shared and oh, wishing we could have them sit beside us again and feel the warmth... I\'m with you...
Loved this trip down Memory Lane this morning and it made me misty eyed thinking, yet most of all what comes in for me is the longing that I feel for my Doug now... the longing...
Loving care to that beautiful and loving mother\'s heart of yours dear Elissa. It will forever BE holding your Cara.
XO Joanie
Thank you for sharing your trip with us....I enjoyed the LOVE and the memories.
I never thought about the age. But I think they remain the age when they passed. When Jackie appeared to me for that splite second, she had hair that was a little longer but she was smiling and she did look the same. i can\'t get that out of my mind. I know it was real because I was sitting in the kitchen when it happened. I saw her the age that she passed. I believe they remain the same. You are so lucky to be able to remember the past the way you do. I have a problem going that far back. I\'m lucky I have home videos but I haven\'t looked at some of them yet. I too can\'t wait to see my precious child again and hold her. Much love to you, Gail
Such love expressed through your writing of this journal...sadness also--yet looking \"forward\" to reunion...I identify so much with the \"What age is my child in Heaven?\" At first, it was so very important to me that they be the same age they were when they transitioned. But now, standing back aways, that part to me just isn\'t that \"important.\" What is important is that we loved each other, and we\'ll see each other again when it is my time to transition...and join the party up there! Thank you for this sweet journal! Love, Donna
Thank you for taking us with you on the trip down memory lane. Beautiful