A Thank You To Friends Who Understand & To DS
Hi Fred: Tonight I had a telephone visit with another widow lady I became friends with through DS. Her husband died about the same time Nick did. We are both at 2 1/2 years. She & I discussed how nearly all of our friends tell us how "good" we are doing. We both thought this was rather ironic as there is still so much pain on the inside.
Society teaches us that grief is a fleeting thing. Our friends, because they care about us, hope it is a fleeting thing. Just as soon as the outward tears dry we are congratulated on how "good" we are. No one actually sees or understands the huge void that is still a part of our every day life. We just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Our eyes are not filled with tears. And, we have remembered to put a smile on our face before leaving the house. Society and friends happily pronounce us as "healed".
And, truth be told, we really ARE better than we were at the beginning. We are no longer laying on the floor in fetal position shaking with grief. We even have days that are fairly enjoyable. But, if friends could truly see inside they would find a void filled with tears. We have healed on the outside but we still bleed on the inside.
Somehow not being as "healed" as society implies or friends think we are, at times makes you wonder what is wrong with you or why you are so inadequate. In reality, however, how can a person "get over" the death of a partner you have loved and shared life with for so many years in just a year or two? How can one give up the hopes, dreams & plans you made with that partner in a few months? (Yes, even 2 1/2 years is only a few months when you consider what has been lost.)
Having those few people in your life who are walking the same path of loss and grief as you are makes the path less lonely. There is comfort in knowing there are others who do understand and that there is a safe place to openly share your sadness, your successes, and your down times.
The phone call with my DS friend helped both of us as we could honestly share our feelings and frustrations. As we ended the call we both knew that although we are by ourselves we are not without a few caring people who understand. We are all there.... for each other.
12/9/2013
Society teaches us that grief is a fleeting thing. Our friends, because they care about us, hope it is a fleeting thing. Just as soon as the outward tears dry we are congratulated on how "good" we are. No one actually sees or understands the huge void that is still a part of our every day life. We just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Our eyes are not filled with tears. And, we have remembered to put a smile on our face before leaving the house. Society and friends happily pronounce us as "healed".
And, truth be told, we really ARE better than we were at the beginning. We are no longer laying on the floor in fetal position shaking with grief. We even have days that are fairly enjoyable. But, if friends could truly see inside they would find a void filled with tears. We have healed on the outside but we still bleed on the inside.
Somehow not being as "healed" as society implies or friends think we are, at times makes you wonder what is wrong with you or why you are so inadequate. In reality, however, how can a person "get over" the death of a partner you have loved and shared life with for so many years in just a year or two? How can one give up the hopes, dreams & plans you made with that partner in a few months? (Yes, even 2 1/2 years is only a few months when you consider what has been lost.)
Having those few people in your life who are walking the same path of loss and grief as you are makes the path less lonely. There is comfort in knowing there are others who do understand and that there is a safe place to openly share your sadness, your successes, and your down times.
The phone call with my DS friend helped both of us as we could honestly share our feelings and frustrations. As we ended the call we both knew that although we are by ourselves we are not without a few caring people who understand. We are all there.... for each other.
12/9/2013
Replies
WWithout the support love and care of our friends who truly \"get it\", I don\'t know where i would be at this point. XOXOXOXO
You said it very well, Darlene. I too am at 2 1/2 years since I lost Larry. I have not posted on here in sometime, but I often come here to read other posts because I know the people on DS are the only ones who truly understand how I feel. My life is forever changed since losing my husband of 44 years. You cannot get over that.
Hugs,
Annie