A Step Closer

Okay, G, you win. I'll concede your Obsessive - Compulsive diagnosis. Someone recently posted a thread to Cognitive Behavior of Personality Disorders by Aaron Beck. They only give the first two chapters of this $55 book but it looks like you're right and that I need to oder the book to learn more about treatment. (This is a thumb-nail sketch, there's more.)The main characteristics of O-C is an over-developed sense of order, systemization, and control. Their view of themselves is as inept and helpless. Beliefs are "I could be over-whelmed" and "I need systems to survive".Their threats are flaws, mistakes, and imperfections. (They don't trust others to do the job right, very judgemental, work-aholics, and tend to do everything themselves.)Their strategy is rules, standards, and "shoulds". That's not all; there are other disorders that are co-occuring: Avoidant persoanlity and Passive-Aggressive.Avoidant has an over-developed sense of social vulnerability, avoidance, and inhibition.Their belief is "I'm not good enough".Their threat is being discovered a "fraud".Their strategy is to avoid evaluation.The affect is anxiety and sadness. For Passive-aggressive they have an over-developed sens of autonomy, resistence, and passivity; they lack assertivness, activity, and cooperation. They have trouble with authority figures and fears of dominance. Their belief is "I have to do things MY way". I'll see what my therapist says, however, I can relate to all of these as mine. So you were right, the obsessive thinking is true and a dysfunctional part of who I believe I need to be to survive; it's a false belief. Now to get some therapy to correct these beliefs. I've got some learning and changing to do. More research. The avoidant disorder would explain the shyness and inhibition to writing my resume', looking for work, and other things too numerous to include here. The passive-aggressive and obsessions probably explain my craftsmanship needs and may be a part of my sense of creativity. It's possible that the avoidance (shyness) is genetic, something I'll have to deal with. I don't know about the creativity yet, I do know I like to do things my way. The passive-aggressive would easily explain my defensiveness to your suggestions and ideas. Thanks, both you and God, for arranging this set of circumstances for furthering my healing. DS shuts down tonight 6:00 pm EDT until tomorrow morning, so have a good night and I'll see what I find out today. Rich