a small play pen
I guess I like a small play pen... thinking about how I live here in my small apartment - all of the things I have I can
take care of easily to the extent of my capacity. Ship shape and organized.
I chose my homes that way too in the sense that I chose them so I could
own them and then as well afford to maintain and keep them up to the standard I wanted to maintain them in, all the time.
And so now I see how the monastery would be a kind of playpen too. A kind of choosing a way of peace and love but not that I would avoid responsibility - but that I were choosing relationships
and fellowships. No matter where I go, I have to put on my filter to protect myself and interpret
others and the incoming info - there's a longing in my heart, but owning and building the life for myself might best be seen in this light, so to be clear... so that I understand my choices...
I can see how living and loving someone would be a kind of overlapping of life 'pie charts' in a way.
I don't know if that's the right word for it - but I'm thinking of those circular diagrams that cross over each
other - where somethings pertain to both circles and some pertain to only the two each separately.
I have found as I think about things here and my next move, I look for a point of departure.
So here it's like there begins an endlessly sinking seeking.. 'that beginning point'.... That happens sometimes...
When I start to think about not just living in 'my world' but a world that intersects...
Managing pangs of pain of life is a reminder that maybe life is 'just moments' that are there to appreciate
when they come up:) Gosh this was a journal I wrote earlier and now it seems excruciatingly sensitive.
So, instead of getting lost in that endlessly sinking feeling of where to begin...my life, a life of purpose and circumspection. While on my own I just tell myself ’this is what I am doing', 'this is how I am spending the day my day’ and in so far as living in control and safety - sometimes
I can think in terms of living in a 'way of life' but I must remember my own individual agency in that. I have my own choice and function in that...
And also as we become comforted and lulled into relaxation about day I know also I can remember to be responsible about things and not just think in terms of indulgence.... (gosh this is a weird journal)
So as Arfie said about life 'it's about daring adventures!" and yet WE EACH can choose an adventure that suits
US BEST.
If you think on all the things - the responsibilities you need
to keep on top of and the carefulness you need to take for your own well being
then maybe give yourself still the gift of the bravery to look out and beyond yourself
and think of what adventure would suit you !!
Never stop living!!... for fear of a loss of control or vulnerability!!!
Replies
ok, this was a weird one. LOL
it's hard to tell in typeface, but i hope you aren't saying "weird" like it a bad thing.
over-lapping pie charts? ? ? hm-m-m-m. . . i think my graphic art sense is offended. maybe. it's a new visualization for me. . .
i've often visualized my hubby and i as two wheel sets on the same train car, working together to share a load heading the same direction. alas, that visualization goes seriously haywire during the phases we can't agree on anything.
sigh. . . those pesky details. . .
but i still hold that love is not looking deeply into one another's eyes. it is looking deeply in the same direction.
thanks arfie! that's a good way to look at it!