a safe place

do you ever wonder about your future or heck, even the present and wonder

about where would be a safe place to put yourself? My new therapist heard me

talking about me going to my friend's monastery and she said "You're looking for

your tribe?" I agreed but I didn't mention that I was seeking out a 'safe place.'

I will mention this to her on Friday when I see her again...but I suppose there's no

really perfectly safe place 'to put myself.' I can prepare for the future, by saving

and developing funds to protect my financial life...but I also liked her idea of finding

'a tribe.' She had said this in the context of hearing me talk - and she said "You haven't had

a typical life...the 'arc of your life' has been quite different and you don't see it represented 'out there' "

but there are plenty of people who are like you - they are out there... I appreciated that..

and it helped me feel at ease in a way.. Seeing this place of DS.org as part of that idea.

I will still go to the monastery and be open to seeing if I feel at ease with that kind of life...

I am not so religious but I do like the communality of it.. It's a different kind of commune but

I'll see if I can get a sense of it when I go.

Things are ok here.. Today when at work - I kind of gave up to the greater power of feeling like

I had to understand everything - and focused on the diversity of everyone who came by - and in that 

life felt like a jungle of diversity... but not really in a bad way.... I also noticed that I was really in touch

with my boss's mood. When he (the main store manager) was around me.. I felt this weight of expectation that

something was going wrong or like he was expecting it and like I started to feel like I was on the cusp of doing something

to dissapoint him... I wasn't though and I recognized it so I just kept doing the job as well as I could... but it's weird how I sensed that wave of mood and that when I heard him talk to someone else 'these were really was his feelings' today.. He was in that kind of a mood. Just wild to me!! But it also showed me how this kind of thing can really affect my venturing forth in the day. 

Wanting a safe place, fearing that I am not loved, it's just energies that I have to question, challenge and put to bed - since there's no safe place - and life is not angry with me - and I can keep on keepin on!!