A Rainbow Plus One

My dearest Kitty,                    So, I haven't written in rather a long time, and I'm sorry for that; at least it means you needn't listen to my pointless musings or stale news. So, as a basic start, life here is the same as it always is and always has been - busy and full of colour.     Going through the colours:                      Red - Stress:                            Life here is stressful, and, once again, I'm angry with Hector. Even though I have no right to be at all; he's just been nice to me recently, and I've gone and really hurt him. Fair enough, he's hurt me a lot too, but does that really mean I should do the same back? It's silly and confusing and stressful and tiring and...exasperating. I know it's silly, and that it can never go back to how it was, but...I wish so much that things could just go back to how they were before I went out with Hector. Where we were all best friends and we did everything together and we were all completely inseperable...and it all just went wrong.                      Yellow - Sunshine:                             And yet, with all the stress and tears, there's been so much sunshine and happiness. I've got Tom, I've got Fraser, I've got Freya, I've got Katie, I've got Isla...and I've been so glad of them recently. They've all been there for me when I'm down and happy to celebrate when everything's fine again. I don't know how on earth I've ever managed without them, nor how I'm going to manage when we're all split up...but I'm going to focus on the past and present with them. The past because of all the amazing memories I have of all of them; Maths with Isla, Tom's Unbirthday Party, Freya and my Film Sundays, Video Blogging with Katie, Drama lessons with Fraser...all of these things have been amazing and yes, I'm going to miss the two of those which are almost over and won't happen again, but I'll have the memories, and the two people that they concern.                         Pink - Love:                               Of course, I love all the people I've mentioned, but Tom is my boyfriend. And I really really do love him. Orchestra, dancing, picnics...and this is really selfish, but I really wish that he didn't have to leave. I'm going to miss him so much...he's always been there for me, and we've had so much fun...but that's just me being selfish. I'd rather he were happy somewhere else than he being here with me and not enjoying it at all. I mean, of course I'm going to miss him so much, but he deserves to be happy, and if this is going to make him happy, then I have no right to stop it at all.                          Green - the World:                                 At the moment, I can look outside the window, and there's a tree filled with birds that I don't even have to sit up to see. Next to it is another green tree with pink blossoms. And then there's the grass of all the pitches, the road next to where 'Little Cedar' used to be that's full of trees and birds and all sorts of things. I can see all these things outside, and I can't help but be thankful even for the grey clouds. So yes, I'm upset at the moment, but if I can look outside and see all of these things, then I don't need to worry about anything at the moment and just look and look...                           Purple - Music:                                  So, music, a simply enormous part of my life. And, just like I can't help but smile at the world outside, I can't help but smile and cry at the music I listen to. I hate it when I cry, but I can't help it today, and it's nice to just be able to listen to the music I'm listening to and be able to show my feelings in a way that won't leave a lasting scar. The piece I'm listening to is so amazing...I can't help it, and I really am feeling better. Ish. Ok, so I'm not. But it really is nice; there are some parts when you hear it and just can't help but think how incredible it sounds, and how much emotion the composer must have put into writing it.                            Orange - Complications:                                   Orange is my least favorite colour, and I couldn't really think of anything to put with it that matched it. So I've put 'complications', which are the least favorite part of my life at the moment. Everything seems to be complicated; mixed emotions, mixed dreams, mixed guilt and freedom, mixed people...it's just all very very complicated and confusing at the moment. And, I guess, it's upsetting for everyone. I feel stupid and self-pitying for letting it get to me, because everyone has these problems and confusions, so why should I let mine get me down, much less offload them onto you or anyone else? So it's all complicated, but I'm just going to hope that it's all sorted out soon.                              Blue - Support:                                     So, a happy one now; as I've already written, I can't talk about Tom, Isla, Freya, Katie and Fraser enough. They're all so incredible and supportive; they're funny, charming, friendly, clever, insane...and wonderful. They've always been there for me, and now it's my turn. I want to do all I can to help them, and I just want to tell all of them that if they ever need anything from me, at all, any time of the day or night, I will always, always, always be there to help them with anything. For all that they've all done for me, I can never ever repay them, and this is the very least I can possibly ever do.                               White - Hope:                                       Possibly my favorite colour, I use this for every single little thing in my life that is good; my friends, my family, my teachers and housemistress, music, art, writing, skating, running, rain, sunshine, manga...everything. Especially the first two I mentioned. Everyone I know has alays been there for me without hesitation, and, I guess, for that, I can never be thankful enough. As well as that, there is the story that I was told a long time ago and reminded of by Freya very recently; '...the story of the girl who cried to have no shoes, and then turned and saw a man with no legs...' This is my motto for life at the moment. I cry for the things in my life that can never happen and for the things that I cannot help, but I need to remember that I shouldn't cry for these things, because there are so many other people who have it a lot worse than I do. So I need to keep optimistic and stop crying. Which I have done, finally.                I'll write more soon, Kitty. I know I've just written a lot of things that probably don't make any sense to you at all, but thank you for listening and being forced to re-read all my old news yet again. Forever yours,           Francesca