a note I sent to my sister
I know I’m not stupid but I am unstable, as are many of the nuns, and being altogether in this life affirming and celebrating environment is something positive. Though it’s rigid at times, it’s also a place that couches me well and guides me. I’m trying to like it but alas at times I feel I need to break out. I am grateful they allow for that but I try not to ask too much. I feel like I’m becoming or have the potential of becoming just as bitchy as the nuns at times. I’m aware of it but never have a slip of the tongue. I see my passions more now. Am able to stay rational. The nun I work closely with really believes in Geronta (the elder ) in a supernatural way. It’s weird. She’s an ex nurse, so she has a rational side but believes strongly that Geronta is all powerful against the devil. It’s weird but it seems like this a place where one would to be like that. I love her though. She’s a nice person but goes into weird territory at times. We all do that here I guess. I do :). We’re all from tough life stories here.
I sincerely hope you won’t let me get too crazy. Please call me out on that.
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I also wrote this note as I was going to sleep last night. The idea came to me while I was sitting in my room. I desperately identify
at times with the furnishings, I guess as a way to feel affirmed or validated. But then I wrote this:
I realize I no longer am satisfied to live in the cartoon of my own life let alone someone else else’s. I have appetites, desires, needs both 'in the moment' and needs and desires 'for the future. I’m no longer satisfied kind of squeezing myself into being part of the decoration in my own room. Others deco and my own. Decoration may be a way to control or affirm - but even if it may be my own decoration, then on top of that I know I want more. That's fine - I feel like I am emerging to the world and sharing with it - and not just an outsider wanting to fit in....ok this is my weirdness showing up! :) heh
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Big squishy hug sweetie
I hope that you'll be able to find the part time job that you want
It may help a lot with some of this
Get you out and about and make some extra money...xo
thanks Janet! :) xx