A New Start...
So, I have decided to start a new profile. My spouse had went through my computer and read my last profile. Thats something I kind of want to steer away from. It no longer became my happy place. As of right now I am currently married to a woman who basically doesn't want to be married any more. She had admitted the only reason she is still with me is due to the "committment" not out of love. We are still together now. Not too sure if things have gotten better or even progressed since, but I think we still have a good shot at this. It is true that I have fallen short in this relationship time and time again, and the same for her as well. Im not too sure why I am still here. It almost feels like I am fighting for a relationship that has long expired but I am too afraid to let go. It is something that I truly want. But no longer feel the need.... Idk. I know that I love her and am in love with her, but I cant exactly say the same for her. I guess part of me is just afraid to let go. She has been something that I have fought for and wanted for so long. Its almost like the woman I married just isnt the same that I fell in love with. She easily places all the blame on me, in which for the most part I understand why. But I can honestly say that she doesnt take any responsibility in her part and that is why we havent had any progress. I love her. I want this to work. But I feel as though I completely lost myself while trying to be everything that she wants. I dont even recognize myself any more.
I went from being this happy go lucky, positive person. To someone who just doesnt enjoy life any more. I cant say it is all her fault. I have past issues and traumas I never dealt with. Still, it is safe to say that she does play a big part in becoming who I am today. Theyre not all cons. She has also made me a better person, but she also changed me. I dont like who I am. I dont like the self doubt and uncertainty that I have everyday.
I guess any sane person would leave and never look back. But its hard. Its hard to let go of the person I have loved and chased for the past 6 years. Its hard to accept the possibility that my forever was just temporary. I got married to the person I knew I wanted to spend my life with. Build with. Yet, days after our wedding she had sent a text to her sister saying how shes not in love with me. It broke my heart and filled me with resentment. She knew how serious marriage is to me. How much value I put in "the old ways" of love. Ive lost my trust in her. I dont stay because of her, I stay because of me. Because I know just how much I love her and all that she means to me. How do I let that go? How do I start a new life?
-A broken heart destined for a happy place, not knowing if it exists.
Replies
Welcome destined..... This is hard.... You deserve someone who truly loves you and if she doesn't I'm not sure what you're fighting for other then not wanting to let go
Would you both consider marriage counselling??…. You can have someone help you both decide if you want to fight for this or not... Otherwise you may be in this same place for years to come...
I know it hurts however you can and will heal IF you decide that this isn't working
There is a good and active PTSD board on here if you're also dealing with trauma.... Big hug while you sort it out....xo
You shouldn't not to "chase" love. Love should be given freely, chased down and captured. Perhaps that is part of the issue?
Hello and welcome,
You must be able to live a happy life through self love and self acceptance.
Your spouse should help you grow as should you help your spouse grow.
DO not attempt to fix her, that is her responsibility.
Your responsibility is to live as you would want others to live.
If they had a broken arm you could not fix it, mend it or heal it, you could only assist until they are healed themselves.
If they did not take time to do the right things to assist in their own healing, no matter what you did they would still not heal the right way.
You can not help someone else's personal journey if you are not helping yourself.
You must take time to grow your garden in your mind and heart and soul.
Be safe and keep coming back.
It's always hard to leave someone. That isn't unique. But she didn't change you. That implies she has control ovre how you feel, how you act, how you move through life. You may have changed because of your relationship dynamic but that's different than someone changing you. What happens is we change depending on who we surround ourselves with. I would say, if you want to be someone you recognize as you and someone you like, sometimes you have to remove youself from people that you find you have to change for in order to make a relationship work.
It's up to you if you want to stay with someone who betrayed your trust or doesn't feel the same way about you. So if you're willing to stay in a situation like that, you're essentially teaching her how to treat you.
Unfortunately we are moving forward with separating and filing for divorce. When I made this post, it was because I had a suspicion of her infidelity. She went through my computer again and read this journal. The started a fight and ended it with she wants a divorce. The very next day I had confirmed that she has been cheating with the very person I suspected. She needed a reason to say the D word to me, and make it my fault to protect her guilt.
We literally sat down and had a heart to heart days before of how we wanted to make this work and things that we both had to improve to move forward. We cried, shared loving words and ended holding each other saying how much we love each other. how things were going to get better. and literally days later, it was confirmed she had been seeing a man from her past. same dude she had left me for at the beginning of all this.
My heart is broken. After everything, I still love her. I still want to be with her. But I know that I cannot and that I have to move forward.
I am in desperate need for some type of styles to deal with hurt feelings and pains that seem so unbearable. Please.
Its going to be hard, its going to hurt, its going to be painful.
every time it does embrace it, accept it, dont fight it.
Take up writing down on paper your feelings all of them.
Take care of yourself, love yourself, accept your pain love it.
Cry, scream, punch a pillow or two, just dont hurt your hand lol
Get outside an let the warm sun help heal your soul, take time, there is no need to worry about the past its done, just enjoy today and look for the little things you can do yourself for yourself.
keep coming back and talking
Thank you. Its the sole reason I joined the sight. Hoping to find a healthy outlet.
Hi there. I’ve been where you are and I know some of what you’re going through. It can feel like a pit of despair. There is, however, a way to look at it so that you can get a bigger picture. That change is meant to be when it needs to be. Feel your feelings, just try to feel the positive ones too. The freedom that is behind the dark clouds of your present emotions. I imagine that seems far away but only because you’re making it so.
Our lives are not linear. An ending becomes a new beginning. I bet you have glimpsed this in between tears. Hold that close.
There is a two hundred page paperback by Thich Nhat Hahn called Fear, weathering the storm. He’s a Buddhist monk who changed my life. It’s a simple guide to finding how to be at peace with ourselves. Order it and read it:) I leant all my copies otherwise I would offer to send it to you. For immediate guidance he has some talks on YouTube.
Take care of yourself ok?