A new spin

What I had always desired was to see my son Patrick walking into church and remembering his salvation. I would always imagine him singing. He was a persistent guy and I knew he would be a wonderful witness for Christ. If only....
my ways are not His ways so I am told by my Creator, and it was not to be. I did get a taste of it it my one dream/vision. He sang to me 10,000 Reasons. He told me to sing it freely. After my son passed and was able to lift my head at church, I spotted a new man there one day. Something about him stirred a maternal thing in me and I was baffled by it. I asked about him and spoke to his girlfriend only to find out that she knew my DOL, Patrick's wife. They worked together years before so she knew about my son. Connection.
A few weeks went by and I felt led to pray for him as he seemed eager but leery. I think he had a hard time trusting people and I could feel it.i started to develop an Agape kind of love for him and lifted him up whenever I thought about him. We became Facebook friends and I posted encouragements whenever I felt led to.
A few weeks ago, he gave his testimony at church and it made me sob and love him all the more. I was right, he was leery. He has been in jail most of his life. He has a huge heart and a praying grandmother But his mother isn't there for him and they are in a custody battle over his daughter. Anyway, we have been getting closer and closer and one day I was shocked to hear God say, tell that boy that I believe that "he is in need of a mother and I am in want of a son..." I was obedient and said that. He smiled and something...it wasn't earth shattering because I don't remember it. Perhaps he thought me a stalker.
Two weeks ago he posted that he wanted to sing with the worship team at church. I, like I tend to do now, encouraged him with a hearty "don't say it do kind of thing" .He did. I could hear him and it was beautiful. I felt a twinge of pride in him as if I had any part in it. That made no sense at all.
This past Saturday was our church picnic and we host it almost every year. We rented the lake near our house and at night we had a campfire at our house. Tony, his name is Tony, was to be baptized at the lake. (My son never got baptized...PTSD hit before he had the chance, because I wanted to be there.Selfish.)
all morning we sought each other out and I could feel how anxious he was. No family there just his girlfriend and his new church family. He was crying while our Pastor was telling him what this means. He knew what it meant to him already! He went in and came out and it looked like a weight was lifted from him. Then I felt it. The same joy that I would have felt if it had been one of my own sons. How could that possibly be? I have a God of restoration. I believe that is how. I needed it and I begged for it.but, that is not the best part...Flash to Sunday morning..we are in church and it is a beautiful worship service...how could it not be after the day of fellowship that we all had. Then next comes the offering and Tony steps up to the pulpit. He hadn't told me ahead of time. Yup just my Tony and no music...and he starts to sing and like a mother I find myself praying..Please let him do a good job..don't let him mess up....and I hear the most beautiful heartfelt version of " Open the Eyes of My Heart" that I or you have ever heard...no bias true fact. I sobbed heaving, tremors all the way through as images of Patrick and Tony were swapped back and forth in my mind... Patrick saying I know you love me, but I am ok now...He needs you, don't waste it. And I choose not too. I will not give my love for Patrick to Tony, but I will give the energy to him.that is who Patrick was..generous to a fault. I will honor that and I believe, honor God.
after it was finished and I had regained some composure.. I looked over at Tony to thank him..he was smiling at me like a son smiles at his Mom looking for that "atta boy". I gave him a thumbs up and mouthed that I loved him and he mouthed it right back! And so it begins. Please Father let me help him to trust you in everything. Thanks SOTH for your patience and don't misunderstand ...this is in no way a replacement son, and by no means the first time I have taken on someone's child...I have several. Here is a video of Tony singing on Sunday. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igEgKGO7pY8