A Needed Change

I think the past couple of days I've been doing better. I think I've finally reached the point in which I'm actually ready to turn things around in my life and not just say I want to change things. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself, I don't want to feel worthless anymore, and I have to do something about it all. My weight, though I know it shouldn't, has always been one of the biggest reasons, if not the main reason, I reached the point I did, I felt fat and ugly, no clothes fit me which lead to my staying inside and not socializing, and socializing and having friends even just a few I believe is one of the most important things a person needs in their lives and since I rarely socialized I didn't give anyone the chance. Now I'm losing weight and I'm starting to dress nicely and go out with people and attempting to teach myself to have at least some confidence. It's not easy and it doesn't always work (especially at night), I still get the same thoughts of being worthless and feeling ugly and no one likes me, but I try to fight them. I keep fighting them because I know that's the only way they'll stop. That's the only way I'll stop wanting to cut every time I'm in dark place. I'm still not sure how or where to start or if it's even possible but I am convinced I cannot feel this way anymore. I want to return to Toronto in a month as a totally different person. I want to turn my life around.