A month later

I think everyday I miss Brad more than I did the day before. Our house is so quiet and I feel useless now. I went from going nonstop, literally, to now I have all the time in the world. I was always busy before. We always had something going on in the house, usually he would be watching TV, the kids playing in one of their rooms, and I would be cleaning. I spent pretty much all my time at home cleaning, and yea I was stressed out and felt like my work was never done, but I loved it. I loved being mom and 'wife' and taking care of everyone, its what I do. And now I'm just mom to one. Even though we weren't always in the same room, doing the same thing we were still together. I knew he was here and now its so empty. I miss everything about him. I miss our Saturday morning pancake breakfast, I miss watching movies with him. We watched movies all the time, even at least one a day sometimes. He loved movies and he was scary good at predicting the plot. It became a game for us and we would make bets on how the movie was going to end. I haven't been able to watch a single movie since he passed. I've recorded some and started to watch them, but every time I start to I hesitate and i get all this anxiety about it. My life is so different now than what it was before and I don't like it. I don't want to have all this time, I want to be taking care of him and our kids everyday. I just want to kick and scream this isn't fair. And I know how childish that sounds, but it's not fair.