A moment to reflect

As I sit at my computer I have a wonderful view of the blue sky and the few clouds that are lingering there...
I have pondered on the thoughts of life and convince myself that there is a reason for everything...everything that happens in our lives happens for a reason and that there is a lesson to be learned in each turning of the page....
In my small part of the world I have been so very blessed. I have a very strong supportive family, good friends with loving hearts and then there is FMO, my lifeline...
I have written a letter to my family to explain exactly what FMO is and how it works. The reason for this is because during my depression which comes and goes now I realized that I was truly never alone. My Father's Mother, we will call her Ruby Christine (because that was her name) lost her daughter. Margaret at about the same age MayLyn was when she went to heaven (25). My Father's other Sister who was named after her Mother, we will call her Aunt Ruby, she lost her son Michael (may he rest in peace) at the young age of about 30.
Both Ruby Christine and my Aunt Ruby (Mother and Daughter) are two of the strongest women I have ever known. Grandma Ruby was always smart, happy and had a way of making everyone around her see things more clearly and in the true spirit of family, we were all close until she passed away. I always adored her and when we could we spent every minute together talking about everything except...yep...you guessed it..Margaret. When Margaret passed she left behind 4 children, who are all grown now and I stay in touch with each of them and their families.
Aunt Ruby and I talked yesterday because her husband, my Uncle Gene passed away this last week..we have had many talks but never about...yup..you guessed it..her son michael, who was an excellent friend to my family..
I guess what I am trying to get to is this...my revalation is that both of these women were "old school" so to speak. Suck it up, keep a smile on your face, never let them see you cry, be tough so on and so forth...
If I had not been buried in my own grief so deeply I think I might have reached out to Aunt Ruby, I know now she really needed someone to talk with, to sit with, to hold her hand and yes, to cry with. So very important to me to remember that there are other people around me in every aspect of my small little part of the world that are in need of that love that we are automatically denied because we have lost a child.
Although my immediate family tries so hard to understand my emotional turmoil...the rest of them are the types to say "give it time, it will pass, she will come back around, then things will be normal again". I now understand that and I can finally see past it...
Everyone in my extented family could learn something from all of you...without your love and support, knowing that I will never get "past" this and knowing that i will never be "their kind of normal" again, listening to me when I rant and rave, crying with me, laughing with me, being truly compassionate people is what's "now" and so very important to our recovery.
As I sit here at my computer....I just wanted to say thank you and share these thoughts with you.