A lot happens in 3 days

I'm sitting in the hospital next to Bob. Yesterday it was nearly impossible to get him out of the house and in the car to go to radiation.  He was sleepy and extremely weak.  It took two of us to help him stand up out of the wheelchair. The doctor was extremely concerned that the spinal cord was being pinched, so Bob went back to the clinic for an MRI.  The results were good, the spinal cord is okay, no concern of paralysis there, but the MRI showed that the cancer has spread quite a bit in the vertebrae and the back, which explains the increase in pain when he's moving. 
He's finishing off the radiation treatments as an inpatient, and then will be discharged home or to inpatient hospice, depending on his strength and mobility.  He's just sitting up at the edge of the bed right now, and that's with assistance.
The hard part for me is that he's talking nonsense so much.  Just talking away.  That's so hard.  I just have to remove myself from that sometimes and take a break. 
At least he's awake enough today to talk...that's a really good thing. 
I love him, and I'm slowly losing him.
 
 
 
 
 

Replies

wanda61
wanda61

Lord, I wish I could be there to hug you. To let you know that I care and I would come to you if I could. I will ask God to give you and your husband peace and comfort. He alone can give you the peace that passes all understanding. God has promised to never leave you nor forsake you. May you feel his mercy,
Wanda
meriel
meriel

Dear Karen,
you are so brave to voice these thoughts about what is happening to Bob and to you. I just want to send you many loving prayers. I am so glad you know you are not alone, and that you can lean on your God for succour and help when it all gets too much
The babbling of nonsense is incredibly difficult, and I hope you don\'t feel guilty about needing to get away from it. You can only carry on if you let yourself have some moments of calm.
Praying for his pain, and yours, to ease.
love and blessings to you,
Meriel
msgrace
msgrace

Sweet Karen,

Thank you for taking the time to write this journal. We\'re all very concerned and love you. How I wish I could give you and Bob hugs. Please know that I am praying for you both. Dear Meriel said it so well...\"praying for his pain and yours, to ease!\"

My Love,
Ingrid
LSMS
LSMS

Dear Karen, I am so sorry that you have to bear the pain of watching your loving husband go through this. Whether or not he can talk, he knows you are with him and that in itself is the greatest gift you can give. Take breaks as you need and do ask family and friends to come and give you breaks. Although I could never leave the house when M ws in hospice, it was so helpful when I got a break so I could shower and eat. You may not feel brave, but trust me, you are incredibly so. I send you and Bob my love and prayers. Linda
Torant
Torant

I\'m thinking of you Karen. It was very difficult when my husband was under the effects of certain medications. He talked to people who were not there in the daytime and he also talked all night long in his sleep. We are so blessed to have a reprieve from much of that, and so sorry that you are where you are right now. One step at a time...one breath at a time.

Vernell
kkzimm
kkzimm

Thank you dear friends. Linda, I needed to hear that he knows I am there with him, and that is my gift to him. Sometimes I get easily frustrated that there never seems to be an end to the little things, the sips of water, the repositioning, the listening to the half sentences and the whole sentences that don\'t make sense, and the repetition of so many things as the meds are making him confused and forgetful. I have to remember that each response, and my attitude in each response is how I show my love to him, my devotion to him. Thank you all for your encouraging words.