A lot better day

  Today was a lot better, because I didn't have to deal with Bon. i think I'm really just fed up with that. It's just not right having to fight for your money every single time. It's get me so frustrated, and pissed off. It's just not worth it. I've tried every way to deal with it properly, but with Bob it just doesn't work. I really don't know what the problem is. Doesn't seem like it's that way for anyone else. I don't like to think that he just thinks he can use me, but that's the way it seems. Anyway, Paul is so much better. Always at the end of the day he pays me right up. It's such a reliefe to have that after working with Bob. Makes me feel really good. It's damned well the way it should be. I really get fed up with the selfish mentality that most people seem to have here. Clarence got me pissed tonight. Paul knew I was mad and got me to go inside to work because he knew I was wanting to tell Clarence off. Damned jerk, I treated him like a king yesterday because I felt sorry for him that he had to sit in a hot room with no fan or air conditioner. It's been so hot here, so I invited him up. I made a lot of food, and told the other guys downstairs to come up and get what they wanted. They all ate well. There was lots of food. Clarence spent the whole day here. Then tonight Paul got some pop for us, and there wasn't too much. I wanted a couple for myself, but then I seen Clarence hiding them for himself. He started crying that Bob always gets them for him. That's when Paul seen I was getting mad and told me to go inside. I couldn't believe it. After how good I treated him, and for him to get that selfish, but that seems to be how most people are here. They pretend to be a friend, but they know nothing about it. Always when it comes right down to it, they just look after themselves first. I know I've been into drugs and booze, and I know at times I was selfish, but I still knew values and tried to share and be good to people around me. That isn't the way it is here. Anyway, I guess it's just that way. I'll have to wait awhile to see if I can find another place to live. Can't do that right now, because I just can't afford it, but I will keep it in mind. I think that it's this stuff that makes me a little miserable here. I really have never been in an enviroment where this type of mentality seems predominant. Mayby I'm just getting old, nah. I still feel very young, and I'm in great shape. Compared to most people I see around my age, I do very well. I got my prescription for Seraquil yesterday. I haven't taken any since last week when I ran out, and it wasn't that bad doing without. I still got to sleep pretty good. Not always sleeping as long, but felt good. Last night I took one, and this morning I felt like shit. Felt kinda groggy like I just wanted to stay in bed, and I started gagging like I wanted to be sick. Mayby I just don't need them anymore. I'm not taking one tonight because I don't want to feel that way again. I'vev thought for a long time about stopping them anyway. I've been taking them for a few years, and they did help to keep my head level, and I did get good sleep most of the time, but I read up on them and they can cause a lot of problems for people. They can cause diabetis and other things. I always thought they were good, but I'm going to see if I can do without them. While I didn't have any, I did notice I was feeling pretty good. Seemed to be a lot livlier, and have more energy. I'll see how it goes. They are always there if I feel I need them anyway. Thank you Lord for getting me through this day. Thank you for Paul, and the good work we had. I also thank you that I didn't get mad at Clarence and start a fight, even tho I felt like it. Thank you Lord for everything.