a lot a lot a lot....

hey you!

first off, i miss, love/think about you all the time.....and i pray daily in care of your journey.  it's not just words, it's actions baby....i am a prayer in care of dear precious you, so put that in your pipe and smoke it!!!!  said the ferocious momma bear to her loved ones!!!!

lots of stuff......sam & sara's step mom is back in the hospital.  she has a pulmonary embolism in her left lung.  two weeks ago she had a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery done.  so please please pray.  her name is cindy....please pray for her husband and for her daughter & all of the family....thank you!

today i had a doctor appt.  i know, another one.  got a shot in each hip.......have an upcoming appt to get an epidural in my lower back and will also be doing a nerve endings study the week of thanksgiving.  their will also be another mri coming up soon on the upper cervical (neck) area.....which will probably lead to a second epidural injection. 

the mammogram was last monday.  results are still a week or longer away......the dental stuff is still in progress.  i dread each visit as whatever this dentist injects me with sends me into hell, or what certainly feels like hell.  racing heart, shaking hands, arms, jumping legs, slurred speech......plus a pronounced stutter.  and my face looks like it suffered a stroke on the left side......my mouth is way way down, it looks scary and my right eye twitches.  i cannot look forward to this ......they are making the final bridge and the replacement teeth the bridge hooks onto. 

i plan to speak to my old dentist to see what they use......and to ask what this current dentist is using as well as for mercy in using something else.  .....on the todolist i promise.

i did the colonoscopy prep last thursday.......the powdered prep has no odor or flavor which is WONDERFUL, but spending a day in relative captivity......meaning do not go any further than say ten feet from the MIGHTY COMMODIAL THRONE.....or risk serious embarrassment.  seriously glad that is OVER! 

the colonoscopy was done at an outpatient center within my new gastroenterologist's practice.  it was smooth......no problems overall.  i was wonky coming in that day......experiencing serious visual disturbances.  everything was spiralling......like when you throw a rock into the river and watch the rings expand in the water.  that is what i was seeing......so my view was very distorted and problematic.  my brain was hurting and i also experienced serious sensitivity to light and noticed that my feet weren't obeying the rules......meaning that it felt like i was highly likely to trip/fall.....turn into lady humpty macdumpty......not a good way to go.

sara was a real help and she came armed with hazelnut wafers.  after not eating for what felt like a long time......24 hours, i was wanting meat, but the cookies were GOOD TOO!  sara brought me home and made sure i was ok, then i ate some hot soup and conked out for a lovely long six hour nap.  i spent the week end in bed.  being a total bum.

so i would be able to go to today's doctor appt for my spine.  my right hip is silent, but my left hip is very angry right now.  aches like the devil.....pray this lets up soon.

meanwhile in real time life......i have a couple of things to share. if you're still hanging in........

i went into a store that i had never been in until today.  they sell clothing primarily at discount prices.  i entered the store and didn't see any carts......there were several carts parked by the entrance, so i went back out and snagged the smallest size cart and re-entered the store.  i only got a few steps when the young woman told me that i couldn't have the cart inside their store.  i was a little confused, not realizing they didn't offer carts.......and i'm sort of slow processing.......

but wait there's more......so i say i use the cart to help me shop.....i lean on it.  that my purse is heavy, that holding my purse plus using my cane makes it hard to shop without a cart......

she says "Ma'm I need to ask you to leave the store."

WHAAAAT?  wait, WHAAAAT?  I said what?  and just stood there like a hurt idiot.

she did not say, you are welcome to shop but you cannot use that cart. nor did she explain that they don't offer carts......she left that to me to deduce.....it was confusing in the moment.  it was just this one clerk and another sales associate in the entire store.  no shoppers at all.......

so i said, my purse ways aproximately 4 pounds, although resting on my shoulder it feels like much much more.  i got two shots in my hips, and i have stenosis in my spine....plus arthritis.  having a cart acts as a walker.....it allows me to shop in a much safer and much more comfortable manner.

she paused.....and then she said, you can stay and shop.......our store is not set up for wheelchairs and so forth......our aisles are narrow and it would not be safe.  the aisles did not look overly close or tight to me, they offered more room than a lot of other stores i've shopped in........

at that point all i could think is who in this day and age discriminates against the disabled in this manner?  in a public store?  this is when i choked up thinking .....as i looked over that sea of racks ....50% of which offering wares for children.  and wondered how they manage to kick out kids and grandmas and veterans and well my mind roared into dangerous emotions like tears and hurt and anger and outrage........

i said, i can't possible stay in your store. a place that openly discriminates against the disabled......and i couldn't help but think how odd it was that i parked in that stores handicapped parking spot.  so they allowed my car a spot but not me.......

i promise i am working on it.  i called the county board of commissioners. then the ADA.....next i called the store's headquarters.  waiting on a call from a regional VP......we'll see. the woman i spoke with seemed very upset and shocked with me, said she thought an associate had misunderstood, that this is not how their company does business.  she also said that the majority of their stores do not offer carts....nor from what i could see wheelchairs.  they are headquartered in savannah georgia......i will not be a customer......what can the vp really say or do to fix this?  i mean it, what can he or anyone really say to recover from a faux paux of this magnitude?  am i being too harsh?  i don't want anyone fired.......but i gotta tell ya, standing there being asked to leave the store was a low place .....a hurtful place.  it was bad.

but there is something else to share.....a bit of life as we know it.  i stopped in at a Ross after that.  seeking a pair of long black slacks.  i found something called "treggings."  i am guessing this means trousers meets leggings?  i picked out four pairs.....a pair of black trousers with some white thread in the fabric, nothing like pinstripe, just barely there for some visual interest. this pair hit just right, so i worried that if they shrink even a bit they will join the other stack of pants i can only wear inside tall boots.  sigh.....so sad.

fashion problems......girls you know what i am talking about!  the second pair and the third are flood water pants......TOO SHORT....so i am happy to find this pair of TREGGINGS that are so long that i will actually be hemming them up a tad.  this is a rarity for a long legged girl and it made me smile! 

i found a royal blue velvety tunic at a thrift store for all of five dollars, so i have a new outfit!  the pants sold at ross for $12.99, the retailers price sticker read $32.99, so i am feeling very thrifty about this purchase.  i also splurged on a funny metal purse.  what for and why did i do this?  well........i am making a windchime out of ......wait for it.....OLD SPOONS from an estate sale.  sam already drilled holes in them for me, they are not very pretty.  the designs are nice, but these are old blackened spoons even after being in a cleaning solution.  but they work somehow....life is not always about pretty or conventional....it's about strength.  and finding energy in unexpected places......like we all do everyday.  do i plan to paint this wire shaped little purse which has a metal chain for a handle, adding the spoons with some clear sturdy nylon.....and seeing what it looks like.  maybe it will turn into something special or maybe it will be step one in creating a cool windchime with spoons.......!!!

so my final story?  i am in line waiting to pay for my happy new long legged black pants when a nice lady says she likes my hair.  i have been in medical mode or in lonely all by myself at home alone mode so i spring into happy chatter sparrow mode.  i am all but singing.......see, i got a haircut and when the lady cut it i was very MAD.  i was calling her "EDWINA SCISSORHANDS" in my head and i was in tears driving home. see she was cutting it very fast.......and she wasn't sectioning it the way i usually see stylists do it and she was freaking me out.......did you see "Edward Scissorhands?".......that kooky dude made hair fly off the head way too fast......and this lady was the same way.  she didn't really style it worth a blue green flip so i thought she had screwed me up BAD!  i was freaking out and trying desperately to hold onto the thought that at least i have hair and that this hair will grow back.......but oh man i was upset.

so now in line with this nice lady who has just paid me a lovely compliment, i have to tell her how i misjudged the stylist and the style and how i had to call her at the shop where she works to apologise and to say thank you.......see, she gave me a very nice cut......that i couldn't tell through my pain and brain fog and fatigue.  i really screwed up........when i was about to leave i told her i didn't like the top, or the sides. or the back........the bangs were too short......so yeah, i let her know i didn't like it at all. 

but i learned that i can dry this NEW CUT in just a few minutes and style it in even less time. i use an implement i got at a thrift store for $4......it has a brush option (the brush doesn't move, but it fluffs the hair in nice ways......) and then i can use a second feature that unlocks this implement....and voila it is now a flatiron........i can flat iron my bangs and the top........so it's pretty doggone cute and super easy to style.  so this nice lady is just looking at me as i prattle on.......and then she says......hon, i meant your color....i really love the color of your hair.....it's so pretty!  .......i turned so RED.  sheez..........so now, she says the style is cute too......but the color is really amazing.  which i take to mean, sorry i embarrassed you, your haircut is like whatever lady, but the way God shuttled you into this decade of your life colorwise is freaking awesome.......for which i can take ZERO CREDIT.......but am happy to thank God for all good things......

.......she said if her hair would come in the color of mine she would go for it in a hot minute.  ......silly to add this, but as i was leaving she joined her mate......and they had the exact same hair style.  this has to be a rarity.....i mean how often does a couple have the same hair style?  or is this normal and i am way way way out of the loop on this?  i've heard it said that owners will start to look like their dogs for example......but i can't think of many hubby wife units with matching dos..............can you believe how i went on about my hair cut when she didn't give one wit about it??????? turning red all over again.......i didn't mean to be so self centered .....but i can see how i must have sounded..............

Wednesday is Thanksgiving Luncheon for the OWLS (older wise laughing seniors).....they provide turkey & ham, we are to bring the side dishes.  it will be held at a nearby Baptist church.......and this may lead me to visit this church.  the one i've been visiting these past two years is ......well a whole other story and i don't wanna go there this day.  it's just not ever really turned into a fit.....maybe this little red bricked baptist church will be "the one?" .....see i've got a thing for little red brick churches.....and if the one i've been visiting isn't it, then maybe it's time to "date" a new church.  yes, this is a sign of my age or my mentality or something....cause i have no desire to date a man anymore.......even though i would like a winter boyfriend. someone to build fires......eat snacks on the couch and watch movies with.....that sort of thing.......but finding a good church is something i really really want.......plenty to think and pray and ponder over......lots of love to you........night!