a long hard winter, and the nervous twitch. plus, the one where he asked me out WHILE I WAS ASLEEP
i saw him sunday night for 2 hours. for the first time in almost 2 weeks. it was really really nice to spend time with him, very enjoyable. but i'm still feeling really, idk, antsy.. impatient.. doubtful.
i have this nervous twitch, where my eyelid twitches when something big is weighing on my mind/on my intuition. a few days ago i realized it was partly some stuff about B, and i faced it, i cried messily, and moved on (as much as i can) and the twitch calmed immensely. but it's still been twitching. and over the last couple of days i've been thinking about me & nick, and a part of me has "decided" that i should break it off with him, and the twitch has vanished. i feel at ease with that thought/that decision. tho i'm not going thru with it, not yet.
it's been a long hard winter, with the cold days making me too exhausted/ill to want to hang out. J has been having problems, so i've been focused on that. and me & nick's schedules have been clashing. all these things make it hard for us to get together.
like i've been telling ann, i have to wait out this winter and see if things change. once the weather gets better, *i'll* feel better. and next week nick's schedule is changing to 8-5, so we can work around that so much easier. i just have to wait it out and give this "relationship" some time to become what it is, before i do anything drastic.
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but last night i just got so mad/fed up. i feel like *i'm* the only one who ever says "let's do something. let's hang out." i feel like i'm the one doing all the chasing. but *i* need to feel chased once in a while! so i decided i need to wait & see the next time *he* gets the idea to hang out.
last night already, tho, like, in the afternoon i got mad and said nevermind, lets hang out another day, and we didn't txt each other for 3 hours. i fell asleep maybe 9-ish. he texts at 10 "breakfast tomorrw?" WHILE I'M ASLEEP!!!!! this is the 2nd time he's done this. this makes me wonder if he's waiting til late on purpose cause he KNOWS i'll be asleep, and can't respond, so it'll look like he "tried" .... i don't count that towards him wanting to hang out. i don't really understand this dude.
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oh, some other random thing. a few weeks ago when we were together, i noticed his pupils were pinpricks, and it REALLY threw me off! i wondered what the fuck was wrong with him! of course, today, i googled it. i really should've asked him that day. it may be a rare disease, but more times than not, it's opiate use. i never *did* ask him how he feels about drug use. all i know so far is he is down for drinking, and doesn't like himself or his girl to be smoking. but drugs never came up in conversation. i do feel like he would tell me honestly if i would just ask.
dammit.
i have this nervous twitch, where my eyelid twitches when something big is weighing on my mind/on my intuition. a few days ago i realized it was partly some stuff about B, and i faced it, i cried messily, and moved on (as much as i can) and the twitch calmed immensely. but it's still been twitching. and over the last couple of days i've been thinking about me & nick, and a part of me has "decided" that i should break it off with him, and the twitch has vanished. i feel at ease with that thought/that decision. tho i'm not going thru with it, not yet.
it's been a long hard winter, with the cold days making me too exhausted/ill to want to hang out. J has been having problems, so i've been focused on that. and me & nick's schedules have been clashing. all these things make it hard for us to get together.
like i've been telling ann, i have to wait out this winter and see if things change. once the weather gets better, *i'll* feel better. and next week nick's schedule is changing to 8-5, so we can work around that so much easier. i just have to wait it out and give this "relationship" some time to become what it is, before i do anything drastic.
~~~~
but last night i just got so mad/fed up. i feel like *i'm* the only one who ever says "let's do something. let's hang out." i feel like i'm the one doing all the chasing. but *i* need to feel chased once in a while! so i decided i need to wait & see the next time *he* gets the idea to hang out.
last night already, tho, like, in the afternoon i got mad and said nevermind, lets hang out another day, and we didn't txt each other for 3 hours. i fell asleep maybe 9-ish. he texts at 10 "breakfast tomorrw?" WHILE I'M ASLEEP!!!!! this is the 2nd time he's done this. this makes me wonder if he's waiting til late on purpose cause he KNOWS i'll be asleep, and can't respond, so it'll look like he "tried" .... i don't count that towards him wanting to hang out. i don't really understand this dude.
~~~~
oh, some other random thing. a few weeks ago when we were together, i noticed his pupils were pinpricks, and it REALLY threw me off! i wondered what the fuck was wrong with him! of course, today, i googled it. i really should've asked him that day. it may be a rare disease, but more times than not, it's opiate use. i never *did* ask him how he feels about drug use. all i know so far is he is down for drinking, and doesn't like himself or his girl to be smoking. but drugs never came up in conversation. i do feel like he would tell me honestly if i would just ask.
dammit.
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