a little tortured, but overall doing pretty good

I was spinning with negativity at work this morning while

thoughts about my last night's stay with my parents. I just

felt worried about being rejected as crazy how that sounds... It's so crazy how, the littlest

disconnect at times can set my imagination into an enormous bloom

of angst and fear. I kind of wanted my Dad's approval.

I know I've got it - but

there's part of me that obsesses over it - never fully feeling ok on my own...

But then I thought to myself of how probably a lot of folks want

approval from a father figure...whether it be through church, or 

their own father or however. They have to live with that pang also..

I thought regarding this that at a certain point

you have to let go of that stuff and live your life with that lack of approval

looming in the background...perhaps more and more into the background.

My Father loves to talk and I have a habit of coming to him to talk about

my mental health. lt's something that I am realizing must take a back seat now

to my relationship with him... To not depend on him so much. I mean

I love him and I appreciate him greatly but I realize to a certainly that I need

take hold of my mental health challenge and own it...It's my challenge

and nobody can manage it for me, except me...It's like my stepmother who lives

with her mortality owing to the fact that she has an incurable cancer.

It makes me sad but no one can walk that walk with her but herself in some degree..

.....likewise it goes for my challenges and each of our challenges.

It's great to commiserate though and feel in good company here.

I don't why my innards rage away at me but it's probably a good idea

to find an activity that sooths myself ....and so on..

Things are good. Peace, M