A LITTLE PILE OF DIRT

Mon. Night, July 28:  I have been attempting to clean my laundry room.  Now some of you with neat, tidy, laundry rooms probably won't understand.  This, not so large, room has my washer/dryer, an old metal closet kind of thing, my upright freezer, a file cabinet, an old chest of drawers, a set of shelves, a used-to-be liquor cabinet (the boys took the back off to break into my LOCKED cabinet...I really tried), another set of shelves, decorated with things the boys did in art, a bag of boxes, a train I had when I was 6, and more JUNK than you can imagine.  And dirt.   However, there is one little bit of dirt that is of meaning.  It is a coffee can full of old coffee grounds, now turned mostly to dirt, that Scott had been saving to put in a garden.  I have looked at that can for over a year now and thinking, "I need to throw that out."  I just couldn't.  Tonight I looked at it and it occured to me....I will take that can of grounds/dirt and put it on Scott's grave.  Somehow, I think, that will be alright.  Why on Earth did it take over a year to come to that conclusion??!?!!?  It was strange...it just all of a sudden popped in my head.  So, tomorrow, I will take that can and empty it on Scott's grave and talk to him just a little bit. Someone from Compassionate Friend's called me tonight.  I have not been in months.  She lost her son 4 years ago in a car accident.  Anyway, I thought it was very nice for her to call and check on me.  I am planning on going to the mtg. in Aug.  The problem has been a lot of my counseling sessions have been on the same day and I can only stand so much emotion at a time, Chris has been unable to go with me-he is still my support in that area, and sometimes American Idol was on.  Yes, I am an Idol addict.  It is one of the few things I still enjoy and I will not give that up unless I really need to.  I have to take pleasure when & where I can. (I mean that only in the "rightest" way)  But, it was nice and once again I feel blessed for the people in my life that care. Chris came over tonight.  He came to pick Adam up and go to the fair.  He also went through Scott's clothes.  Most of them were too small but he and Adam split up a few that fit.  Adam would not go in the room so I had to bring them out to him.  It was hard watching Chris go through things and me going through the drawers.  I cried.  A lot!  I guess, now, I will pack the rest in my clear plastic containers.  There are a few items of clothing I can't even consider giving away right now....not even to my other children.  They are just soooo Scott.  He had his own style.  One of his favorite shirts has an undershirt hung with it.  I am sure he wore it for a while and then hung it back up....both shirts...just as he wore it.  Another, long sleeve, still had one sleeve rolled up.  He probably wore that for a little bit, too, before he hung it back up.  He changed clothes more than anyone I ever knew!!!!!  If his socks got the tiniest bet wet, by a drip on the floor, he had to have clean socks.  I used to tease him about it.  He was such a perfectionist in how he looked, dressed, and smelled.  I was always glad for that even if it was a little obsessive.  At the same time, it makes me now sad.  I know he would've been mortified that one of his friends, an EMT, was the 1st to arrive at our house and see him the way he was. On the other hand, that cleanliness was so much my Scott that I do laugh a bit when I think of it. He was always that way!  I, sadly, have much less laundry, now. Adam is staying with Chris tonight.  I have to be in Springfield tomorrow, for counseling, so I will just pick Adam up after that.  Hopefully it will be good for Adam and Chris to hang out.  It is kind of ironic...Chris has a VERY high IQ.  Adam has some learning difficulties.  And yet, they are two peas in a pod.  So much alike.  I have always had to "come in through the back door" to relate to each of them.  Scott was the totally common sense, average Joe....the easiet to relate to.  I guess that is one of the reasons he was so much fun.  He wasn't complicated.  Mind you, I am not complaining about the other two.  They are also a lot of fun.  It is just with Scott I didn't have to think too much one way or the other.  When you were with Scott, you just were.  Craig went back to work today.  I was sad for him 'cause he really wasn't ready.  For me, however, I was ready.  I like my space and every time I turned around there he was.  After he got off work we got in the pool.  It was nice.  He got rid of the HOT (he works outside) and some tension.  I just got rid of some tension.  I will miss my pool when the weather changes! I went to the bank today...HEADS UP...I received, by UPS, a check for $2550.00.  That is all there was in the envelope.  I took it to the bank to verify and that account had been closed since 2005.  It is another scam. I suspected it was.  It happened because, through email, I signed up for Secret Shopper.  Now I know Secret Shopper is a legit thing 'cause my Mom did it for a while.  But not this one.  If you receive an offer by email.....DO NOT ACCEPT!  I have turned the check and envelope over to the bank along with the emails I rec'd.  Hopefully they will nip this fraudulent criminal in the bud!  Peaceful wishes to me and YOU!     

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Good idea with the coffee grounds. I wouldn\'t have thought of that either. I\'m an Idol fan too! My sister records them all, and we watch them together when I travel through LV. I am addicted to that show. You inspire me to get through the boy\'s things, but just not yet.... Hugs to you honey, love ya, Barbara
deleted_user
deleted_user

Ginger I really enjoyed reading your journal...I can hear good things. Even with the emotional journey with the can and his clothes...there is a calmness in what you write. Enjoy this...take care of you...love and hugs...Karen
deleted_user
deleted_user

Ginger, What a wonderful thing to do with the coffee grounds. It just seems right, doesn\'t it? I still have Jerry\'s clothes boxed up in the spare bedroom. Some of his favorite items went to special friends after he past. I was going to donate the rest, but couldn\'t bring myself to do it. I\'ve decided to have someone make a quilt with them now and just yesterday started trying to find someone to do it. It\'s still hard thinking of parting with anything that was his. I still have some junk mail addressed to him and don\'t foresee throwing any of it away in the near future. I hope Craig adjusts to being back to work o.k. Maybe it will be good for him once he does. And, I hope you find the days a bit more relaxing and healing for yourself. Personally, now that I\'ve started working evenings I love having my alone time during the day. It gives me time to do the things I need to do for myself. I\'ll be thinking of you today as you go to the cemetery, dear one. Love ya, Adrianne
deleted_user
deleted_user

The coffee/dirt in a can going to Scott is a good idea. I can see why you would have a hard time letting go of any of his clothing. I let the kids(his friends) take things when it was still all fresh and now I wish I had not done that. But then again it might have been the best thing for all of us. Me to let it all go and them to have something of him. I still have ALOT of his clothes and jsut do not know why I am holding onto them. I just can not let them go. I look at them and I can see him in them. Much like I think you are doing with Scotts clothes. When we are ready.....
Glad to hear the boys are spending time together. That is always nice.
Enjoy the pool and your weather and hey think about sending some of that nice weather this way....:)
Take care and have a peaceful week.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I think Scott had something to do with the idea of the coffee. It\'s a great idea and I think you should do it. I still haven\'t done anything with Melissa\'s room, I don\'t think I will ever be ready but am I going to be faced with it sooner or later. Witha all the house renovations it won\'t be anytime real soon. Thank goodness. Love and Hugs.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Thanks to you and all the responses to your journal I now have another idea of what to do with the rest of Jays clothing that I just couldn\' part with. He was a heavy metal fan, Pantera in particular and I had to keep some of his concert shirts. A quilt sounds like an excellent way of keeping them. I still can\'t part with his drivers license or other personal papers. His cell phone number is still on my phone. Good luck to you. Love, Terri
deleted_user
deleted_user

Ginger,
Like the idea of the coffe grounds. I didn\'t have a very hard time in getting rid of the clothing cause to me they were just clothes. The things that I like to hang on to are things my son made through the years ie: mother day cards and things from wood shop etc. Hugs, Inga