A Letter To Nick
Dear Nick:
Perhaps it's time I wrote you and updated you on a few of the things that are happening. First off, I am finally making a little progress in reorganizing your computer room. I've done a lot of cleaning and found out that you were almost as bad of a "pack rat" as I am. I just wish you still occupied the room and still had the picture of the skull & cross bones warning me not to trip over all the things you had spread about.
I am putting your special things in 3 smallish chests downstairs. It is a difficult project so I am afraid I don't work on it too often. I opened up the old boxes you brought over from England (back in 1989). I found so many wonderful photos showing me the places you had been to and some of the things you had seen before we were married. It made me realize all over again how much you loved and treasured living. You never really wasted a day. Although your life was so much shorter than what you deserved you certainly lived and experienced more than most people do even if they live until they are 100.
Your Cambridge friends in England are holding a memorial ceremony for you on the 7th of September. They have reserved a hall in Pembroke College at Cambridge. Nigel sent me a list of those attending. I hope you know your university friends still love and remember you. They invited me to come but I truly cannot go to England without you. Nigel said he would send me some pictures and a recording. You are a very special person to all of us left behind. All of us miss you in so many ways.
Now news from the home front.
I am in process of investigating how to "cat proof" our back yard so the kitties can go out. I am just sorry I didn't get it finished in time for Princess Java to enjoy. I have also redone the flower garden. I think you would really like it. I have not had a veggie garden since your death. I don't cook at all and I get so lonely whenever I even look at your garden area. I did, however, plant s few strawberry plants in one side of the garden area. They are struggling along but they did produce a few very good tasting berries!
The nights are still so very long without you. I am trying to get up enough confidence to join Civitans and perhaps even Toastmasters. I think about it a lot but it seems I never actually take any action towards doing either. I just sort of spin my wheels and get no where.
It has been 16 1/2 months since your death. I had heard that often the 2nd year was referred to as "the lonely year". I am finding that to be true. People go on with their normal lives... and they should. I am beginning to feel myself separate more from the friends we had together. I find I tens to be more of a "loner" than at first. At first I could hardly sleep now all I want to do is sleep. It seems I do better if I just refuse to allow myself to really think about much of anything. I suppose that is just part of the "adjustment".
I so wish you had been able to share more time with me. But, that was taken out of our hands. I just wish I had your determination and zest for living a full life every day. I guess part of the problem is finding out a new definition of "a full life" now that you are gone.
It is time for bed now. I usually read before falling asleep. I miss the companionship of you reading to me each night. Sorry this letter has been so rambling but my thoughts have been all over the place tonight.
I miss you, Nick.
Darlene August16,2012
Perhaps it's time I wrote you and updated you on a few of the things that are happening. First off, I am finally making a little progress in reorganizing your computer room. I've done a lot of cleaning and found out that you were almost as bad of a "pack rat" as I am. I just wish you still occupied the room and still had the picture of the skull & cross bones warning me not to trip over all the things you had spread about.
I am putting your special things in 3 smallish chests downstairs. It is a difficult project so I am afraid I don't work on it too often. I opened up the old boxes you brought over from England (back in 1989). I found so many wonderful photos showing me the places you had been to and some of the things you had seen before we were married. It made me realize all over again how much you loved and treasured living. You never really wasted a day. Although your life was so much shorter than what you deserved you certainly lived and experienced more than most people do even if they live until they are 100.
Your Cambridge friends in England are holding a memorial ceremony for you on the 7th of September. They have reserved a hall in Pembroke College at Cambridge. Nigel sent me a list of those attending. I hope you know your university friends still love and remember you. They invited me to come but I truly cannot go to England without you. Nigel said he would send me some pictures and a recording. You are a very special person to all of us left behind. All of us miss you in so many ways.
Now news from the home front.
I am in process of investigating how to "cat proof" our back yard so the kitties can go out. I am just sorry I didn't get it finished in time for Princess Java to enjoy. I have also redone the flower garden. I think you would really like it. I have not had a veggie garden since your death. I don't cook at all and I get so lonely whenever I even look at your garden area. I did, however, plant s few strawberry plants in one side of the garden area. They are struggling along but they did produce a few very good tasting berries!
The nights are still so very long without you. I am trying to get up enough confidence to join Civitans and perhaps even Toastmasters. I think about it a lot but it seems I never actually take any action towards doing either. I just sort of spin my wheels and get no where.
It has been 16 1/2 months since your death. I had heard that often the 2nd year was referred to as "the lonely year". I am finding that to be true. People go on with their normal lives... and they should. I am beginning to feel myself separate more from the friends we had together. I find I tens to be more of a "loner" than at first. At first I could hardly sleep now all I want to do is sleep. It seems I do better if I just refuse to allow myself to really think about much of anything. I suppose that is just part of the "adjustment".
I so wish you had been able to share more time with me. But, that was taken out of our hands. I just wish I had your determination and zest for living a full life every day. I guess part of the problem is finding out a new definition of "a full life" now that you are gone.
It is time for bed now. I usually read before falling asleep. I miss the companionship of you reading to me each night. Sorry this letter has been so rambling but my thoughts have been all over the place tonight.
I miss you, Nick.
Darlene August16,2012
Replies
Darlene, This whole process of walking through our grief is pretty complicated and takes so much working at it. Taking it step by step when sometimes we don\'t know where the next step is can be difficult.
I love that Nick is being remembered in such a special way by his friends. It always warms my heart when someone mentions, asks about, or tells me how much they miss Stan. I know I want him always remembered.
I think you will find out the definition of a \"full life\"----it\'s what I am working on too-----together I think we all can as we heal more and more.
Love and Hugs,
Sallie
Darlene, good for you in starting to go through a few things that bring back the memories to the surface. I have not even started and I am with you on the packrat that our husbands were. There is so much I could do but don\'t know where to begin...so I don\'t...and I don\'t know if I am ready for that yet....
I am also finding the 2nd year very lonely and the missing them never stops. One day at a time......
What a honor for the memorial for Nick. He was obviously loved by many and missed by all that knew him......
Love and hugs Shirley
Darlene, you really have come a long way!! I think going through our spouses\' possessions is a very difficult task that I have yet to complete. I still have not even touched Joe\'s clothes in the closet and I don\'t know when I will feel ok to that.
It must really warm your heart to know how much Nick\'s friends loved him to honor him with a memorial ceremony to remember the great person they all knew and miss.
One day, we will find the peace and harmony we so crave but seems so elusive at this point in our lives. Let\'s keep hope alive!
Love and Hugs! Connie
Darlene,
I know you don\'t think you have come so far...BUT YOU HAVE DONE JUST THAT my dear friend.
In the time you have had, you have gone out, you have made friends, you have Fixed up the yard, your have fixed up the house from damage, you have gone through some of Nick\'s most precious things...you have done...SO MUCH.
I agree with you that the second year can be the \'lonely\' year. I think it is because we are finding our who we are...just us in that year, and why it is just as tough as all the first we had to go through you know? But I also think that the second year with all of its challanges...is a year of learning to THRIVE in this new way of walking...OUR WAY. And my dear you do it with grace.
Many hugs and much love to you as you strive to THRIVE in year two, knowing we are with you, cheering you on all the way...Love, Diane
PS I am JEALOUS of the strawberries! One of my favorites! Bet they are not as sweet as you are! xoxoxoxo
Darlene,
This grieving for our husbands is such a long and unanticipatable process. Who knew it would bring so much with it.
I too find that I want to be alone more now...I just do not feel at near 10 months that my life meshes at all with those I know.
I think the love of life and living your husband exemplified is wonderful...wish I could do that.....it is a gift.....
Wishing you peace and comfort....