A letter I just wrote him

Well surprise… surprise... u called me and tell me yet again that u aren’t coming home.   Huh.. what a surprise.. you running away from your problems again and drinking...  sooo stupid.. u pick a fight with your wife who can barely move, slam the door, and left her so she could pick up the house and get their kids supper and baths.. and get their backpacks together, while doing laundry, the dishes ... WHILE ur wife is sick with a fever and a kidney infection, and plus when u know the emergency room doc wanted to keep me in the hospitalSo u can get mad like 3 year old .. and slam out of the house, and let me handle it all..because I told u to stop yelling and swearing in front of my 4 year old, and the only reason u did because I said I was gonna start recording you....walk out even though I can barely walk...but I will get them both up tomorrow and myself... get the ready for school and daycare... feed them, then get myself ready.... but u go ahead and SLEEP it off somewhere ,But you know what asshole  …. ??I wouldn’t let you know that I hurt, I wouldn’t want you to know that I needed help, because that would make me weak in front of u. and even if I have to DIE trying .....I can and will make it through this shit.  Fuck u for making me have anxiety for finally standing up to u and finally going out without u..... knowing my life will be hell ....when I get home because I will be blamed and accused of things I never did... Fuck you for the numerous times u have done this to me over and over again.. Fuck you for breaking shit around here when u dont get ur way... Fuck u for leaving me at my friends house,,, when u were ready to go and just driving off.. with me no way to get home, cause I didnt move fast enough for you.... fuck u for the numerous times.. you have called me a bitch, slut, whore fuck u for the all the times.. you just didn’t come home, and went out drinking instead.Fuck you for all of the girls events u didnt show up to... jadens first conference... cause u were at a bar somewhere. Fuck u for all the HOLIDAYS.. you have made hell for me.. either because u don’t come and I have to make excuses for you, or because u get to drunk the night beforeAND You know what.. …… I am sick of u telling me that people dont like me... good.. I am glad.. they don’t…. fine.. whatever…. NO I dont want to have sex with youdo you fucking understand   THAT EMOTIONALLY I am just not there with you.. I am NOT A FUCKING plaything u can take off the shelf and play with  because u want to... have sex...   WHY WOULD I WANT TO?  I AM NOT someone who can just HAVE SEX with someone who treats me LIKE SHIT and not even sure I WANT to be with anymore…… U MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WHORE.. for Not coming home at night a lot of nights, and then expecting me to forget and forgive, it was always my fault some way some how the reason why u didn’t come home.  That anxiety that I feel at night, when I try to go out without you, with my friends.   The anxiety I feel from talking with someone.. cause I know u wouldn’t like it…  You know why I let you leave without a fight?  Because I realized that you are a ass and you are verbally abusive. I'm just stunned that it took me so long to see it. Many of the other people in my life saw it.So, can you come back? I don't think so. I just wonder when I'm going to have the nerve to tell you. I am sooo sick and tired of u and ur shit, tired of the lies you tell, and the tangle of beliefs and truths you have figured out in your head.... so tired of crying and being lonely... All I want is to smile again... to have someone hold me again.. to have someone love me again. Jesus Christ EVERYTIME... U run away from ur problems..... U run and go drink somewhere... and thats ur excuse... to get out and drink and to yet again instead of facing the problems head-on.. you fucking run to your buddies and drink.. WTF  do you think that is gonna get you?Its certainly not gonna get  me back.... grow up already... YOU need help from ur drinking.and STOP blaming EVERYONE else for the problems U CREATED in the first place.  Stop fucking with my head and emotions…. Either get ur shit together or leave me and my girls alone. start... or I am walking with the girls... I am tired of this teenage bullshit.. I want a man in my life not a little boy.   and this doesnt mean that we will even be able to fix shit and get US back... hell I dont even know If I want to DEAL with this stupid ass shit anymore.. I feel like I am taking care of a teenager... for fuck sakes...