A Ha moments and gaining clarity
I've had a few aha moments but the real one was last night. I had re activated my stupid Facebook account to see my nieces engagement pics. Foolishly I checked my ex wife's page, dumb I know. Lo and behold I see pics of her at the same resort we went to every damn year for over 20 years, with her new Mr. Wonderful. I saw her face..then looked at the deck and the railing and it hit me like a block of concrete. I took her and her son there before our daughter was born 22 years ago. We would try to get there every year and also get some alone time by ourselves there for years. It's about a 3 hour drive to Ocean Shores on the Pacific Ocean Washington coast. We always stopped at the Hoquiam cemetery as my grandparents and other family members are buried there. With the kids we would place sand dollars on their gravestones we collected at the beach. I have countless hours of video from these trips,
I mean really?!? I guess my daughter had posted "hope your having fun ruining all of our family memories" or something like that on her post but my ex deleted that in a hurry of course, so kids getting over divorce and not affecting them??...Right.
I went to bed last night with a heavy heart I tell ya. But it confirmed I would never ever take her back if that ever even became possible. The hurt is now almost 11 months old, and while overall I'm better the pain returns occasionally to just give me a little stab. Or in this case a little bigger stab. A friend commented to me some things we hold sacred just aren't to others and that's so true.
Anyways just a bump in this long road, had a great meal at Benihana with my kids last night in downtown Seattle. My son had made an interesting comment on her ocean trip, he said "look at her trying to recreate all of our great times"...I thought that was pretty astute. I just thank God my kids are older so I really don't have to talk or see her anymore. And Facebook deactivation complete lol.
I mean really?!? I guess my daughter had posted "hope your having fun ruining all of our family memories" or something like that on her post but my ex deleted that in a hurry of course, so kids getting over divorce and not affecting them??...Right.
I went to bed last night with a heavy heart I tell ya. But it confirmed I would never ever take her back if that ever even became possible. The hurt is now almost 11 months old, and while overall I'm better the pain returns occasionally to just give me a little stab. Or in this case a little bigger stab. A friend commented to me some things we hold sacred just aren't to others and that's so true.
Anyways just a bump in this long road, had a great meal at Benihana with my kids last night in downtown Seattle. My son had made an interesting comment on her ocean trip, he said "look at her trying to recreate all of our great times"...I thought that was pretty astute. I just thank God my kids are older so I really don't have to talk or see her anymore. And Facebook deactivation complete lol.
Replies
You are such a support to everyone on this site. I rarely see you needing it, but I would like to try. I am sure that this indiscretion by your ex is very hurtful, to you, as well as the children. Who says adult children are fine with divorce??!! Not me!
I know that you will now try to avoid the things that are surely going to hurt. I spend quite a lot of time on the computer looking for my husband. He seems to be very elusive, no address, no record of him at all. I would just like the possibility of closure, but realize that may never come. It is endlessly painful, yet I still do it.
11 months- maybe a year will be the starting point where you will be able to go on without needing or wanting to see what she is doing. I don\'t ever see that happening in my case, I am still constantly trying to find him.
Hang in there, Coop. You are going to have a great day today!!! Put on a smile and let it lead you to the feeling of happiness! Until then, you have my care and concern.
MB
I\'m sorry she hurt you again Coop. Deactivating Facebook was a good idea. I hope you don\'t let her ruin your memories. The fact that she\'s trying to recreate the trip suggests they were special to her too.
Coop, I am glad you had a nice time with your kids and I hear ya on the facebook
Stay strong and I am sending you a huge hug.
Thanks everyone, these roller coaster dips are seriously awful. Appreciate the kind words they really help
Hey Coop. I\'m sorry you saw the pic of the ex at the resort. I know that had to have been painful. You have such a great attitude though and sure sounds like you\'ve got some awesome kids. Glad you had a great dinner with them last night and probably was a good idea deactivating facebook.. When it\'s time for the niece\'s wedding pics.. get her to email them.. lol
GO SEAHAWKS!!
big hugs~ LMT
Keep your chin up Coop, that had to be hard and I know it\'s tempting to check out their page BUT we both know what is going to happen, right???? I\'m sorry you were a bit down, it happens to all of us, even after all this time........I hope you have been able to shrug it off and put out it behind you. Hugs!!!!!
Thanks Titans and Pam...yes lesson learned...AGAIN. It was so much was easier in the 80\'s haha..no Facebook or cell phones or internet...no contact was really no choice. Kind of got me down today but I\'ll bounce back ;)
Coop
Hey man, don\'t be hard on yourself for being human. You had a fair chunk of your life invested together, and it is way too easy with Facebook to have things like this upset you. Personally I hate Facebook and only have it as convenience for certain website sign in, nothing more. It can so easily be used for politics and tit-for-tat nonsense. You have come along great buddy and your kids know the real score, so try to put it behind you and don\'t kick your ass here mate.
Thanks Grant, I\'ve burned myself this same way before, I\'ll learn one of these days :)
Take care man, Happy Australia Day!
Just wanted to chime in coop, you\'ve been such a source of support and a teacher to me. I never want to be in your ex\'s shoes. Hearing about how many poor choices someone can continue to make , reminds me to be mindful on my journey. You a true man to rise above that bullshit!
My stbx and her kids have me and my family blocked big time on facebook. And I raised her kids for 10 years only to be stabbed in the back. I put the full blame on my serious accident on the stbb, because I was on my way to get more documents her ass atty requested at the time I was hit. I find it odd that she claims to have had no knowledge of our finances but her and her daugher have a ton of knowledge of money I made on the side. Which is all bs. but I have to document all their lies and bs. I try to stay off facebook as much as possible. Once and a while I find a way to see what her kids post and take a screenshot of some of my stuff in some one elses house. The good part is I get to go shopping for a new suburban and that will piss her right off and say see I told you he was part of the mafia and has money hidden all over. LMAO
Take care my friend it does get eaiser.
That was a profound statement by your son \"look at her trying to recreate our great times.\" Sort of creepy (with a little narcissism thrown in) that she would go to such old traditions with her new Mr. Wonderful rather than finding new things to do. It\'s interesting hearing how your kids see their Mom in all this. I\'m now almost 9 months and it still hurts but has lessened. I\'m still cold turkey on Facebook but haven\'t cared enough to deactivate yet. Take it easy...you are one of the most together people I\'ve seen on this support group and I don\'t think it is just a front. You are a strong guy but, as you can see 11 months later, there are going to be triggers that will get you down. Take care!
Thanks everyone appreciate the comments. That episode spiraled me a bit more than I would\'ve liked. Lesson learned. Facebook check led to alcohol consumption which led to a pretty miserable Sunday. Won\'t be doing that again.
That is one thing I have had to force myself not to do; check her FB page. The good thing is she deleted her old page and started a new one. I haven\'t looked at it in several months and I really feel no need to figure out what she is doing. I just know that looking at it would lead to pain.
Rgrimmy yeah I knew/know better I\'ve made this mistake before it was certainly not worth it. I\'ve deactivated my account I had no choice it\'s just too painful and obviously I\'m not ready. Not sure I ever will be. Can\'t believe how this had spiraled me down. Not good.