A good thing

  I feel pretty good right now. Bob just came by to pick up the money I was hanging onto for him. A hundred and twenty bucks. It's been here about three days. I've only had some change in my pocket, but I don't need anything. It's really surprised me that Bob left it with me. he's seen me at my worst before. I've had times that I blew the whole rent getting high, believing a lie that something could cover it, when it was just insane thinking. I thought about that money a few times. What I would have done before, and the embaressment, guilt, shame and fear that would come with that. I didn't have a problem with it being here. I knew it was there, but it never called me. My recovery, and self respect is far more than money. Using, or drinking will cost me just far too much. I would lose the people I love, because I would lose love, period. To me, love is God. I can't have the spirit of God if I put another spirit in my body. Without God, I can't love others, or let them love me, and I just can't live without that. Without that I will die. Been there, done that. Bob even gave me twenty bucks to keep. That's nice. What's even nicer was the smile on his face. Thank you Lord.